Are you excited for the Women's World Cup?! Me neither!
By Bob Simpson (Writer/Corporate Lackey)
During the last men's World Cup, I posted this video.
This was my feeble attempt to prove to the world that soccer, despite its popularity around the globe, is not an actual sport. Most of the comments I received were supportive, but a some of them contained such vitriol that I had to disable comments on the video. When someone in another country threatens your life because you hate soccer...yeah...that's a little scary.
So now, the women's World Cup is in full swing, and guess who doesn't care?
Just to be clear, this isn't a sexist thing. I care just as much about girls running around not scoring goals for 3 hours than I do about boys. No, my problem comes from the fact that these poor people are tasked with running their asses off for half a day so they can bask in the glow of a 0-0 draw.
Seriously, this happens all the time in the World Cup. Games will end without anyone scoring a goal. I would rather consume my own foot than go through that.
I love sports, people, and I'm one of those guys that gets way too into a game when one of my teams is playing. When the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last year, I cried. Hand to God, I cried. You know why I cried? Because it was dramatic and action-packed, and the wave of relief and joy that my team had won the Cup for the first time in almost 40 years was just too much.
That's what I love about sports: excitement and drama. This is why I don't like baseball, and it's definitely why I don't like soccer, because nothing ever happens.
Although I have to hand it to the North Korean team. Sure, North Korea is repressive and awful, but by God, they have the best excuses when they lose a game.
So go ahead and enjoy the World Cup, soccer fans. I'm going to go participate in something that matters, like a class on Morse code.