By Gena Oppenheim (Writer)
On a recent trip to the Hungarian Pastry Shop, I was amiss to realize that my earphones were broken...but a few minutes later the Overheard in New York fairies dropped a gift in my lap. Four Upper West Side teens sat down at the table next to me and began a “deep” conversation about the meaning of the recent high holidays:
TEEN GIRL 1: I had no idea how much I missed eating yeast.
TEEN BOY 2: I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.
TEEN BOY 1: Easter sucked. My great aunt smells like Saltines.
TEEN GIRL 1: What do eggs have to do with Easter?
TEEN BOY 1: Christ like re-hatched from the ground.
TEEN BOY 2: Do you think they call them the high holidays cause those dudes spent the whole week smoking up?
TEEN BOY 1: And where does a bunny fit into that equation?
TEEN GIRL 2: That shit is why I'm an atheist.
TEEN BOY 1: Hi, I was at your Bat Mitzvah.
TEEN GIRL 1: I thought you were Catholic.
TEEN GIRL 2: I was born half and half. But now I’m nothing.
TEEN BOY 1: No, you're an atheist who likes presents.
I learned that day that Easter just might have been a week where some apostles got high and JC cracked out of an egg. And if the only holidays you enjoy celebrating are Hanukkah, Christmas and your birthday you can be classified as an “ALG” (atheist who likes gifts.)
GENA OPPENHEIM Gena is a fourth generation New Yorker who teaches second-grade in Brooklyn. She is a graduate of Barnard College and received her MFA from NYU's Graduate Musical Theatre Writing program. http://twitter.com/#!/genabeans