EVERYBODY TWANKS

Whether you like it or not...
By Geoffrey Kidwell (actor)

Wikipedia describes a “twink” as “a young or young-looking gay man (18–23 age category) with a slender, ectomorph build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair.”

Oh, you’re more of a visual learner? Okay. This is a picture of a twink.

Got it?

Great.

But my friends and I – who are currently living it up on Fire Island – have spent the week wondering…

What happens to a twink when his best days are behind him?

What will become of him?

How does a twink survive when he’s no longer a twink?

Can a twink live a fulfilling life when the smooth skin has wrinkled and the flat stomach has grown a bit of a paunch?

Well, fear not former twinks.

My friends and I stumbled upon a revolutionary theorem.

If a twink does not resist the changes going on in his body - the sagging skin, the slightly less sparkling eyes, the softening core and the need to shop in the adult section – he can metamorphose into a…

TWONK

But Geoffrey, I have never heard of such a thing?

What in the world is a twonk?

Friends, a twonk is a twink who has successfully gone through the process of twanking.

I know. I know. I’m going too fast.

How about this:

Everyone goes through puberty right? It’s a pretty sucky time in one’s life, but most people come out of it much better off.

Twinks go through a second pubescence known as, “twanking.”

Didn’t know that, did you?

Well it’s true.

Around the age of twenty-two or twenty-three, twinks will notice that their powers are becoming a bit less effective. They are getting a little less attention from older daddy types and they just aren’t feeling as hot as they used to feel.

This is the pivotal moment.

A twink can resist this transitional moment and end up looking like this:

Or they can accept their fate and turn into a beautiful twonk…like this:

The choice is yours.

So to sum it all up, here are the three stages.

Twink:

Twank:

Twonk:

In the end, there is power in accepting change - in going with the flow and knowing that their is life beyond twinkdom.

So be what you are, but do not fear what you may become.

 

AND NOW...THE WEEK IN WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!!

Miss Houston. Stevie Wonder. Arsenio Hall. Do I even need to say anything else? God bless it.

 

GEOFFREY KIDWELL Geoffrey is an actor/manny in NYC. He spends his days just trying to figure it out.
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Comments

[Coretta Koonce]

Can a twink live a fulfilling life when the smooth skin has wrinkled and the flat stomach has grown a bit of a paunch?

[David Davila]

WOW!!!! This is brilliant! I'm currently working on a screenplay where one of the characters is trying to deal with twanking. I am going to have to quote you on this one. :)

[Joshua Jared]

Eigh....hahahaha

[Jay]

a twonk is a twink who has successfully gone through the process of twanking. lol

[Michael Chua]

There are few things sadder than an old twink refusing to gracefully twank into a twonk. I knew a few still clinging on to the floppy beiber haircuts, flip flops, puka shell necklaces and up turned polo collars. #tragic

[Nick]

BRILL