WE'RE YOUR MEAN GIRLS. BOYS, WE'LL MAKE YOU ANGRY AND BITTER AND NASTY.

How New York can transform grown-ass men and women into teenagers.
By Geoffrey Kidwell (actor)

I’m about to get real.

Like really real…

Like super really real…

Like super duper slap yo mama really real…

You ready?

Sometimes, I hate being an actor in New York.

Yep, I said it. Well, I wrote it, but you know what I mean.

And now, in the name of being real, I’m gonna double down:

I bet you hate it sometimes too.

But to be clear, I don’t hate it for the reasons you might think:

The awful auditions, the rejection, the annoying day job, living below the poverty line, etc.

No.

Sometimes, I hate being an actor here in New York because it makes me feel like an insecure, jealous, nasty fifteen-year old girl.

Or to put it another way, it turns me into a...

(Yes, that book exists.)

Let me explain.

Whether we like it or not, we, as actors, are basically always in competition with our friends.

This fact can lead to a shit ton of nasty behavior which turns us all into cast members from the movie, Mean Girls.

(Take your pick, but I get to be Lindsay Lohan.  Humph...she had such promise and potential. Don’t do drugs.)

Say, for example, your friend books a big job – a national tour, a broadway show, an episode of Real Housewives of New York in which he gets to wait on the countess.

What’s your first reaction?

Is it like this:

(Such class, right?)

Be honest.

I hate to admit it, but my reaction often goes like this:

Jealousy, frustration at myself, confusion as to why my agent didn’t send me in for that role (even though, my friend is a black female), and then, finally, joy and celebration for my friend’s success.

It really is embarrassing to ‘fess up to, but it’s true.

But you know what…the first step to healing oneself is admitting the problem.

And so, my dear Crazytown readers, I am here today to come clean…

My name is Geoffrey Kidwell and I’m a mean girl.

I can be jealous and resentful and spiteful and just downright nasty.

And I know exactly why I do it.

I do it because it frees me of responsibility.

My friend booked a major role?

It couldn’t possibly be because he worked harder than I did or because he’s better at getting his name out there.

It must have happened because he’s sleeping with the director or because he’s friendly with someone at the casting office.

See?

It’s that easy.

Easy? Yes. Healthy? Absolutely not.

I think the challenge we all face as actors is to learn that someone else’s success or talent does not diminish ours. Your star can shine brightly without eclipsing mine. On my best days, I absolutely believe this to be true. Other days challenge me more. My job is to make sure that the good days outnumber the bad ones - to hold fast and tight to my own talents and strengths while doing my best to improve upon my weaknesses. 

It certainly isn't easy. It requires a genuine amount of honesty and self-reflection which, let's face it, takes much more effort than being a nasty bitch. But in the end, living your life on a diet of resentment and jealousy is like eating only cupcakes all day long. Sure, they taste good, but they leave you bloated, greasy, full of diabetes and super unmotivated.

Wait...what?

I don't know.

Whatever. Just don't be a bitch.

Love you. Bye.

 

AND NOW...THE WEEK IN WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!!

Towards the end of her life, Whitney's voice had suffered some real damage. On the one hand, it's really sad. She had the perfect voice, as far as I'm concerned. On the other hand, the voice she possessed just before she died was full of passion, hurt and well, life. It was the voice of a women who had truly lived. Certainly not pitch perfect. It was maybe too raspy and strained, but still beautiful. Here she is singing, I Look To You.

 

 

GEOFFREY KIDWELL Geoffrey is an actor/manny in NYC. He spends his days just trying to figure it out.
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