DEAR TABATHA COFFEY, THIS IS A PLEA FOR HELP

My business lacks structure, direction and discipline so I'm imploring Tabatha Coffey to take over.
By Bernadette Pauley (Comedian) 

Dear Ms. Coffey I am a huge fan of both you and your show. I was elated when 'Tabatha's Salon Takeover' morphed into 'Tabatha Takes Over' and you expanded, salvaging businesses other than salons with your amazing management and business skills. 

 

I adore this woman and am slightly afraid of her. I feel the same way about Suze Orman.

I am writing in hopes that you can salvage my business. I am a self employed comedian married to another comedian.

This means we get up at noon, have a snack and take a nap.

We share a home office and our manager is a 10 pound chihuahua mix. I'm afraid the company lacks direction, structure or discipline of any kind. Our manager currently has us on a '5 leisurely walks a day' regimen and after reviewing our monthly dog toy / treat invoices I'm starting to suspect he is seriously abusing his power. 

I've studied every episode of your shows and feel that we would be the ideal company for you to salvage. I've taken the initiative to list a few of the problems that might be encountered during restructuring: 

• The Inspection: I'm afraid your initial inspection may be quite disappointing. Perhaps Animal Control should be on hand as the dust bunnies have gotten unruly and some of them are larger than our office manager. 

I'm just trying to be honest, I know how angry you get when businesses are messy

• Our current filing system, move-gigantic-piles-of-paper-from-one-desk-to-the-other-to-the-floor-without-EVER-going-through-them, seems to be insufficient. Perhaps you know of a more efficient filing system? 
• Our calendar system, post-300-post-its-all-over-the-computer-screen-and-walls-and-desk, is quite up to date but my husband is not proficient with it and he refuses to take the time to learn it. 

This might be male ego or perhaps a fear of failure.

• We have mandatory business lunches 3 - 5X per week. I can happily report that during these meetings we usually cover vital company topics like: a) blaming other people for our problems b) who needs to get their ass kicked and c) what we're going to have for dinner. However, I'm wondering if our company topics need to be expanded? I am also concerned with the amount of alcohol consumed. I realize that some companies have a strict policy on alcohol consumption. 

Although, we ARE in entertainment and may now qualify for featured roles in the hit series 'Intervention'. 

In short, Ms. Coffey, I need someone to help pull my head out of my ass. Your experience and extensive knowledge leads me to believe that you are the company's only hope. 

 

BERNADETTE PAULEY is a comedian, actor and TV host featured the upcoming Malibu Film Festival. See her site for upcoming Arizona shows and tour schedule. www.BernadettePauley.com EMAIL HER |  FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR

Comments

[David Davila]

We have so much in common it's not even funny.... if you could see the piles of files on my desk ... oy

[Bernadette Pauley]

Oh David...Yes, the piles, they just won't stop! Thank GOD we have cheese to take our minds off of them!!!
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