GET USED TO DISAPPOINTMENT

When choosing a career in the arts one often hears the phrase "Get used to disappointment" or some similar sentiment. I used to think, well that's kind of mean, but now I take it for what it is, sage words of advice. 
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic) 

The meaning of this phrase has changed for me over the years. In the past, when someone suggested 'I develop a thick skin' or 'Learn to deal with rejection' I assumed that it was a judgement call on my chosen profession or someone just being negative (which maybe they were) BUT it is actually a quite good suggestion. Oh you are planning on working in the Arts? Might I suggest you learn to deal with rejection. It will make things a lot smoother. 

 

In fact, this is not a mean thought at all, just the truth. Because everyone gets rejected. And being in the performing arts we get rejected regularly: gigs, auditions, audience members openly vocalizing their negative opinions of the performance, social media comments, etc. And the faster one can learn to let it go and move on the better off one will be. 

 

It seems that the ability to take an emotional beating and continue on with no lack of enthusiasm is a huge key to being successful in the realm of the performing arts. Rejection isn't even rejection, it just means there is more work to be done or you weren't right for something but will be right for something else or it has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. Or, sometimes people just don't like us, and that's a tough pill to swallow. I like to swallow my tough pills with ice cream and self pity.

 

It's hard for me not to take perceived rejections as personal. It's hard not to wallow in the what's wrong with me's, not to eat cookie dough without ever baking it into actual cookies, hard not to question all of my choices and, if I let myself get worked up enough or am feeling hormonal, my entire reason of existence.

 

Last week I had so many things 'not go the way I had hoped' that it felt like punches to my gut as I crawled into the fetal. I eventually just had to give myself a forty eight hour mourning period to act a fool and get over myself. In that time I called a good friend. I walked it off listening to power ballads. I watched my favorite motivational scenes, clips from Rocky, LOTR, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (The original Swedish series which is just more angry than motivational but it works for me), The Karate Kid finale (you ARE the best around), the last 49 seconds of Super Bowl XLIII and the last 15 minutes of Secretariat. 

  

I looked myself in the mirror and said: A day may come, when the courage of Leah Bonnema fails, BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY. An hour of shattered dreams when ConEd bills, insurance premiums, rent hikes & self doubt come crashing down, but it is not this day! 

So, I guess, in conclusion, do not get used to disappointment, just know that it happens. It would be more appropriate to say: Don't let disappointment phase you. Because how bad do you want it (I ask myself)?! Cut Me Mick.

Leah Bonnema is a Stand Up Comic. www.LeahBonnema.com
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Comments

[Kimberly Lew (Playwright/Blogger)]

Ugh. I can totally relate to this one as of late. I especially like that you used the word 'disappointment', because sometimes it's even less about success and more about how things compare with your expectations (and, as an artist, accepting that hardly anything happens as you expect it to). It's really easy to just accept it as the nature of the beast. Not getting used to disappointment is a great way of thinking about it, though. I'll have to try it out.

[Emily]

How can you not have the speech from MIRACLE on here????!!

[Leah B]

Thanks Lew - I am glad (well not glad you struggle with dealing with disappointment too) but that it was something you think about and related too. I feel like once we can get it out of the way - like it's just normal and not some kind of failure but an important part of the process of becoming-then it will be so much easier to just get back up again.

[Leah B]

Emily - it is cut up in a clip and linked on the word "motivation" - great moments are born from great opportunity.

[Bernadette Pauley]

This was great and will come in useful the next time I "take a few hits to the stomach". As you pointed out, I've come to realize that it happens from time to time. Feels lousy, but you get through it. Maybe reading this at those times will speed the process up, just a tiny bit!

[Leah B]

Thanks Bernie! I am getting better at the "just keep moving forward" aspect. Blinders on. One foot in front of the other.