SATURN RETURNS TO RUIN YOUR LIFE

If 1 is the loneliest number, then 27 is the cruelest.
By Melissa Presti (Book Publisher) 

OMG you guys, it's been a whole year that I've been writing for Crazytown. That means there are 50+ URLs devoted to my rambling, and I truly appreciate everyone who clicks my links on Facebok and Twitter and my mother who checks the blog at 5am on the dot when the posts go up. Even if we aren't technically "friends" anymore, but I pop-up in your newsfeed and you give it a click, thank you! Let's hope Facebook never relinquishes our rights to these anonymous type things or else a bunch of us stalkers are screwed.

When I started blogging, I thought I'd figure out what I wanted from the whole process as I went along, and I envisioned my writing becoming more than Crazytown and spilling over into all the half-written projects I have on the side. But all my unfinished writing ends for the same reasons - from lack of confidence that it could be any good, or that I could make any kind of living from it. Not that I want to be a professional writer, but a professional something other than what I've been doing.

See, I've recently been complaining to everyone and anyone who will listen about how unfulfilled my life is, about how I have no idea what I'm doing anymore or what it is that I want to be doing...blah blah blah. I was pretty sure I was just extending my quarter life crisis out of sheer laziness until a friend pointed out that I'm 27. Right... so?

Apparently I'm in the middle of Saturn Return, meaning Saturn has begun to complete it's 29.5 year cycle around the planets to re-enter the zodiac sign I was born under. The Saturn Return marks the end of one life cycle and the beginning of another, as it raises a new level of awareness of our emotions and purpose. "If everything feels like chaos, if your relationships are breaking down and you're questioning your career, your friendships, your sanity, and your very life, it is likely that it's just the ripples of your Saturn Return descending." Does this mean I'm going to feel this way for the next two years?!

This mental hell could be just the tip of the iceberg for us all when a psychotic break decides to fuck shit up and whisper ideas of major change into our ears at night. Soon you've traded the corporate world for the Peace Corp or meat for veganism or the 28-year old MBA grad for the 42-year old divorcee with two kids. And that's literally what you're going to do for the next 27-29 years until Saturn returns again from it's booze cruise around the universe and tries to tempt you to fuck shit up again. But this time you think you're wiser. You have arthritic knees and kids in college who are already fucking shit up for you. And then the mid-life crisis hits. I can't even comprehend what that will be like. And when Saturn limps back to your doorstep another 27 years later you're ready to pack it in and call it a life. 

Unless you're more like my older sister, who, at 27, was married with a kid and a house. When Saturn came knocking on her door she cheerfully said "no thanks, we're all good here, have a blessed day!" as if Saturn was a Jehovah's Witness. I have no idea if she missed out on some epic life experience or if she dodged a bullet.

To be content or not to be content, that is the real question here. I won't lie - I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in this never-ending mental rollercoaster. Scared to make a huge change, whatever it may be, but even more scared to do nothing at all.

Calculate YOUR Crisis! First, go here. Follow the steps so you figure out Saturn's exact location when you were born (include time and location of birth). While my Sun sign is Taurus, Saturn was in the 25th degree of Scorpio on my birthdate. Using the links to ephemeris charts, I find the year 2012 (or whatever year you turn/ed 27) and look to find when Saturn moves back into Scorpio. For me, this is October 6th. The rings are descending as I type! I have validated my crazy, I hope you do too!

Now that I'm aware of my astrological turmoil, I'm seeing it everywhere. The Awl very recently brought this age complex to my attention, along with a an overview of infamous accomplishments by people who were, you guessed it, 27. 

• The age Fitzgerald wrote The Great Gatsby
• Ben & Jerry's founded by two 27-year olds
• LeBron James.
• 2012 Olympians Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte face-off, both 27
• Katie Holmes converted to Scientology
• Mona Lisa was 27 when she was the Mona Lisa

The "floaty years" are over, and I've been given a window to do something huge and risky and crazy, with a legit planet to blame it on. What now?

 

MELISSA PRESTI works in book publishing at Penguin Group (USA). www.us.penguingroup.com
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Comments

[AmyH]

I can't believe you didn't mention the 27 club! Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Brian Jones? You're not famous enough to die this year, so that should comfort you somewhat.

I can't figure out that chart, but yes I was very happy when I was 27 :)Whether or not I missed out on an epic life experience is neither here nor there.

[Melissa Presti]

27 Club is old, regurgitated news. Plus, it's mentioned in The Awl link I provided. No one should KILL themselves during these shitty years in limbo, I'd sooner depart for an African safari and risk my chances of contracting malaria.

Glad you didn't take offense as being my exception to the rule :)