Please run away with me. Or at least marry me. Or at least tell me how the fuck it is you manage to be so absolutely incredible?!?! Truthfully, it's rude. Don't you think it's time for you to share the talent wealth with everyone else? Ugh...now I'm pissed.
By Geoffrey Kidwell (actor)
On Wednesday night, my friend, Sarah and I I had the great pleasure of seeing Miss Carolee Carmello star in the new Kathie Lee Gifford (...yes) musical (...yes), Scandalous: The Life and Trials of Amy Semple McPherson.
I'm going to avoid reviewing the show because, with all due respect to the people who have worked their asses off bringing it to Broadway, my mother always taught me that when I don't have anything nice to say I should avoid saying anything at all.
Instead, I'd like to share with you the out of this world, over the top, awesomeness that is Carolee Carmello.Never heard of her? That's okay. Sadly, a lot of people haven't.
Here she is:
Beautiful, right? But also, she kinda looks like she could have been your best friend's mom - the one who drove the carpool on Tuesday mornings.
But hidden behind that beautiful, yet unassuming face lies a talent that can pierce your soul and spin your head around - or at least cause you to throw your shoes while shouting, "THAT BITCH IS FIERCE!" over and over.
But don't take my word for it. Really, don't. Watch the clips below and see for yourself.
Let's start off with something sweet and unassuming. I don't want to throw you into the deep end right off the bat. You may drown in the glory that is Carmello.
Here's my girl singing William Finn's, "Anytime."
Just technically speaking, the voice is pretty close to perfect. Full of rich tone. A gorgeous mix. A strong belt. Legend has it she's never taken a voice lesson. And to top it all off, she's got a serious head of curly red hair. Bitch.
Next up: Here she is giving you ACTING and BELTING and SHOULDER PADS in the 1990 national tour of Chess, singing, "Someone Else's Story." (Oh and the big hair is still there.)
Are you beginning to love/hate her as much as I do? She's so fucking good that it's frustrating.
And lastly, here she is performing, "All The Wasted Time" with Brent Carver. In all seriousness, I think she's really brilliant here. Notice how she walks right up to the line of being melodramatic without crossing over. It's a great lesson in making bold choices - in taking your character as far as he/she can go. (Also, Brent Carver is so sexy!)
But wait! Wanna know the best/worst thing about Carolee Carmello? She didn't grow up wanting to be a tremendously talented Broadway beltress. She had dreams of being an HR manager at IBM. WHAT?!?! God damn it! Look!
In love with her but also kind of want to smack her in the face?
Welcome to life with Carolee Carmello.
AND NOW...THE WEEK IN WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!!
Here's Miss Houston singing, God Bless America at a boxing match. Oooooh boy. Don't judge. Don't judge. Make that money, gurl! Make that money.