What in the new season works for your workout.
By Gregory Jacobs-Roseman (Composer-Lyricst)
Here we are. The second and final installment of my ratings of new fall shows at the gym. At one point this week I spent 3 hours doing cardio while watching these pilots so I could get them all in. That’s how dedicated I am to you, my dear readers.
Cardio workout GJR style.
As I said before, I should make it clear that the star ratings on these reviews are not a rating of the quality of the show but rather how much I think they are an appropriate distraction while doing your cardio workout. Some amazing shows are best watched at home. The Wire and Friday Night Lights are examples of wonderful shows best watched while sitting on a sofa. Also, as with the comedies, I only watched the pilot of each of these shows before reviewing it. I did that because the real point of watching a show while doing cardio, at least for me, is to distract you to the point where the exercising becomes effortless because you’ve lost yourself in the show. Why bring a show back to the gym if the first episode didn’t grab you? If you want to give it a chance, do it at home. Dramas are usually better than comedies in this respect because they inherently pack in more action and suspense. In my opinion the only recent show out there that comes close to perfection in this department is last season’s Revenge, so you’ll notice that none of these freshman shows garnered five stars.
And with that disclaimer, the reviews!
Show: 666 Park Avenue
Premise: Something
is rotten at 999 Park Avenue, and it’s not just the fact that it bears the same
number as Herman Cain’s tax plan. Jane (Rachael Taylor) and Henry (Dave Annable – of Brothers & Sisters fame), are a fresh-faced Midwestern couple
hired to manage the property owned by Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn – that dude
from Lost), who may or may not be
Satan (but most likely is totally
Satan). The tenants have all signed contracts. Spooky stuff ensues.
Review: I hate
scary movies because I scare easily, and not once was I creeped out by this
show. We get it: it’s Faust. Vanessa Williams is great, but she’s played this
character before. The show also relies way too much on creepy music to dictate
what we should be feeling. Some horror-junkies may enjoy this show, but it
simply wasn’t for me.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «
(out of 5). Creepy music does not suspense make. About 15 or 20 minutes into my
workout, I wanted to watch something else.
Show: Arrow
Premise: The CW’s
attempt at a new superhero serial is adapted from DC Comics’ The Green Arrow.
Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell), former party boy and son of a billionaire is
rescued after being stranded for five years on a remote island. During that
time he apparently practiced his parkour and became handy with a bow and arrow.
Once home, he assumes a secret identity sets out to fulfill his father’s dying
wish: that he right his father’s wrongs.
Review: Oh, The CW. Bringing you quality
programming for the 18 to 34-year-old demographic since 2006. I was going to
skip this network, but their new show pilots were free on iTunes, so I figured,
why not? Smart move, The CW. People
who enjoy superheroes and comic books are going to like this show. I,
unfortunately, am not one of those people. However, that’s just me. If you like
comics, by all means give this one a whirl. The final moment of the pilot gave
me enough reason to consider watching episode two.
Appropriateness for
cardio: ««.
There are plenty of action sequences. But for me, I just didn’t get hooked in
by the premise. Still, Amell’s six-pack may be enough reason to watch.
Show: Beauty and the Beast
Premise: A
re-boot of the 1987 series of the same name. In 2003, Catherine Chandler (Kristin
Kreuk) is saved by a mysterious beast-like creature in the woods after her
mother is shot and killed. Now she’s a detective with the NYPD. When a hair
turns up at a murder scene that has part human, part animal DNA her suspicion
grows. After she’s attacked in the subway, the same mysterious man/creature
saves her. He’s a veteran, presumed dead, and victim of a secret army
experiment gone awry that altered his DNA. Love at first sight? Who attacked
Catherine? And why are the Feds determined to get in her business?
Review: This show
is just SO The CW. That’s right, I’m
calling you on it, The CW. Actually, that’s not fair. The CW knows exactly who
The CW is:
The 1987 version of this show had something of a cult following. I
could see how this show could be one of those guilty pleasure, Friday-night-home-alone-with-leftover-Chinese-food-and-a-glass-of-pinot-grigio
shows. But still, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. The most interesting aspect of
the show was the procedural crime-solving aspect, not the dynamic between our
heroine and the beast, and even that felt flat.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «. Save
this one for when you want a night of trashy TV at home.
Show: Chicago Fire
Premise: Dick
Wolf (creator of Law & Order)
brings us this procedural, set in – surprise! A Chicago fire station. After the
death of a fellow team member, the firefighters, medics, and squad members must
deal with the aftermath, both in their professional and personal lives.
Review: Kinda
torn on this one. The pilot was very formulaic, with a character dying in the
teaser and his replacement being introduced in the next segment, which is the
easiest method of getting exposition out of the way. I’m told it gets better
after the pilot, so I’ll keep watching for now. For the hot, shirtless men if
for nothing else. The show is very intense and packs in a lot of high-stakes
action scenes. In fact it may be a little too
intense. Political junkies like me will enjoy the cameo of the actual Rahm
Emmanuel at the end of the pilot.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «««.
Here’s where the strength of the show lies. The fire sequences are so intense
that it literally distracts you from everything else (as do the hot, shirtless
dudes), which is sort of the point of watching at the gym. We’ll just have to
see if the plotlines and personal relationships of the characters can hold
their own as well.
Show: Elementary
Premise: In this
adaptation using the classic Sir Arthur Conan Doyle character, Sherlock Holmes
(Johnny Lee Miller) is a former consultant for Scotland Yard who has just been
released (sort of) from drug rehab. Dr. Joan Watson (Lucy Liu) is assigned as
his sober companion, who is then quickly dragged along as he jumps back in as a
consultant for the NYPD.
Review: When I
first heard about this show and its premise, I thought: “oh, that is gonna SUCK.” Boy, am I glad to say I was wrong! It’s a crime-solving show that
keeps you guessing. When I tired to predict what was going to happen next, the
show would go a different way, to my delight.
Appropriateness for
cardio: ««««.
The fact that, as I said, the show keeps you guessing is a huge plus in this
department. I’m definitely adding this one to my gym arsenal.
Show: Emily Owens, M.D.
Premise: Mamie Grumer
(Meryl Streep’s daughter. Holla!) is Emily Owens, M.D., a recent medical school
graduate who is just starting her internship at Denver Memorial Hospital. But
now that she’s a doctor, she’s an adult, right? Turns out working in a hospital
is just like being in high school.
Review: This
time, The CW, you may be onto something. The show is like Scrubs if it were an hour-long dramedy sans the cutaway gags and
with a female protagonist (the show has the famed Scrubs inner-monologue voiceover throughout). One moment it’s cute,
with Emily daydreaming about a fellow doctor she likes, and a split second
later it gets scary, as the show takes the medical emergencies within it very
seriously. The constant comparisons of a hospital to high school were a bit
much – we get it.
Appropriateness for
cardio: ««.
Sometimes I had to look away during the surgeries (I know
some people like watching all that blood and stuff, I, however, happen to be a pussy), and the show is a little
slow paced. Still, I did enjoy it, and I am going to keep watching it at home
instead of at the gym.
Show: Last Resort
Premise: The crew
of a powerful American nuclear submarine is thrown when an order to launch
nuclear missiles at Pakistan comes through a channel that should only be used
when the U.S. homeland has been destroyed. When the captain radios for
confirmation through the proper channel, the sub is hit by an American missile.
With the sub on the ocean floor and running from its own military, the crew commandeers
a tropical island and must now figure out who is behind the mysterious orders
and how to get back home.
Review: Wow did
this one feel more like a film than a series. And that’s not necessarily a bad
thing. If you like action or military films, this series is for you. Lots of
action, and lots of questions left to be answered. Who gave to order to bomb
Pakistan? What was that Navy Seal team up to? Does this all have something to
do with the President being impeached? Etc.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «««.
It’s such an action series and there are so many questions that it’s an
excellent distraction. It’s not exactly something I’d normally watch, however,
so I may not be returning to it. But definitely give it a try if this is your
kind of thing.
Show: The Mob Doctor
Premise: On this
medical procedural with a Sopranos twist,
Dr. Grace Delvin (Jordana Spiro) is a surgeon in the pocket of the Chicago
mafia, a deal she made to save her brother’s life when he couldn’t pay his
gambling debts. When she is instructed by the mob to kill one of her patients –
an informant – she must decide between saving her brother, or honoring her Hippocratic
oath.
Review: I mean… I
didn’t hate this show, but I wonder if it can keep up the premise for a full
season. The writers are clearly trying to play with legality and following the
rules in the hospital verses living outside the law and beyond the rules on the
streets, and where the lines blur between the two. Concept aside, Spiro is
fantastic here, and I’ll probably check out episode two before making a final
call.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «««.
There’s a car chase scene at the end of the pilot that is timed perfectly for
an hour-long treadmill workout. If they keep that up, this show could work
great. Other than that, there's not much else there.
Show: Nashville
Premise: Rayna
James (Connie Britton) is a 40-something-year-old country music superstar who has begun
to fade. With her latest album showing disappointing sales and her tour not
selling tickets, her record label suggests (read: demands) she combine tours
with (read: opens for) young rising star Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), whom she no likey.
Review: Remember
that Gwyneth Paltrow movie a few years back called Country Strong? This show is everything that film should have been.
Full disclosure: I actually really enjoy country music. My father loves it, so
I was brought up on it. That said, the conflict between these two women is
delicious. I love the B-plot about the mayoral campaign, I’m really intrigued
to see what happens to the duo singing at the open mic towards the end; and the
songs are fantastic.
Appropriateness for
cardio: ««««.
First of all, there’s a lot of songs, which is always good. While it’s not a
show that relies on suspense, it is one with a strong female central character
and more than enough questions to get you through 42 minutes of running.
Show: Revolution
Premise: An
unexplained event causes all electronic devices on earth to stop working.
Fifteen years later the world is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. After her father
is killed by local militia, Charlie Matheson (Tracy Spiridakos) sets out to
find her uncle and solve the mystery of why the power went out.
Review: Sigh… I
didn’t hate this show but I have so many issues. The show rests on the premise
that humans are inherently evil and without electricity people would lose all
sense of morality and civil society would cease to exist. I’m just saying:
humans were living sans electricity as recently as the 19th century and there
wasn’t abject chaos and murder in the streets. Organized government and law
enforcement were able to function. That
said, the show has a lot of intrigue, and I want to know what’s with those
electric amulets, so I’m gonna continue to watch for now.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «««.
There’s enough suspense and surprise to keep you going, though if the premise
keeps making me raise issues like the ones above, I may, like the
electronics in the series, have to shut it off.
Show: Vegas
Premise: Ralph
Lamb (Dennis Quaid), a rancher and army veteran in 1960’s Las Vegas is
appointed sheriff when the body of the governor’s niece is found in the desert
and the actual sheriff is MIA. Lamb sets out to solve the crime
as Vincent Savino (Michael Chiklis), a Chicago mob boss, has just arrived in
town to run the new casino “The Savoy.”
Review: Ever
since the success of Mad Men, 1960’s
period dramas have been popping up everywhere. Remember last year’s Pan Am and The Playboy Club? (No one would blame you if you don’t.) This one
takes on a western twist and a procedural crime drama structure. I could go
either way on this show, and I’m intrigued to see what happens when Lamb and
Savino really come to blows.
Appropriateness for
cardio: «««.
Quaid plays his character with stern confidence, which is fun to watch. Also,
car chases and intrigue make this a good one for the gym.
GREGORY JACOBS-ROSEMAN is a composer/lyricist and theatrical sound designer currently developing Save The Date: A New Musical Comedy. www.gregjr.com
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