And it ain't cuz I eat a lot of vegetables.
By Geoffrey Kidwell (actor)
My eyes are blue. Decidedly, actually, clearly blue.
They've been that way my entire life.
I was born with blonde hair. That disappeared.
I was born with youthful, blemish-free skin. That disappeared.
I was born with hope and the belief that the world was at my fingertips. That disappeared. (Only kinda...)
But the blue eyes have always remained as a sort of calling card.
Until...
Well, recently I've noticed that the color of my eyes seems to be changing. It's subtle but it's definitely happening.
I'll steal a glance at myself in a mirror and notice a darkening, a deepening.
Where there was once a deep blue sea there is now, albeit faintly, a verdant forest.
In short, my eyes are turning green. There is absolutely no denying it.
(Miss Badu seems to have the same issue. Strange...)
Naturally, I was concerned with my evolving ocular situation and so I marched myself down to my eye doctor.
After a series of tests, it was revealed to me that I suffer from what the doc called Acute Envyitis.
In layman's terms...
I'm a jealous little bitch.
If an actor friend of mine books his Broadway debut and I find out while working a catering event, then the eyes will deepen in their verdigris.
If another pal finds her dream apartment, then you had better believe I'll be seeing green - or at least through it.
I like to think that I'm more evolved than all this - that I'm perfectly capable of celebrating the achievements of my friends and family. And in some ways, I am. I've been told by a number of folks that I'm a great person with whom to share incredible news. I always act with genuine joy and congratulations.
But sometimes, as much as I'm loathe to admit this, there is that little voice in the back of my mind that thinks, "Well when the hell is it my turn?"
I suppose it's only natural to feel a twinge of jealousy. I'm not alone in this, right?
The real trick becomes managing these feelings - stopping them from taking a head place at the dinner party that is everyone's mind.
So today, dear reader, I come to you for advice. What do you do to quiet down this insidious little voice? How do you remind yourself that the triumphs of a friend do not negate your own?
It's tricky as hell, ain't it?!
I have no real answer. My technique has always been to remain as motivated as I can so that success will come my way.
I don't always succeed.
What do you do?
AND NOW...THE WEEK IN WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!
Miss Houston's eyes aren't green in this performance but damn, her outfit certainly is. Here she is, clad from head to toe in green velour, performing the classic soul hit, A Song For You.
GEOFFREY KIDWELL Geoffrey is an actor/manny in NYC. He spends his days just trying to figure it out.EMAIL HIM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR
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