My horoscope this week suggested that I need to look for love outside of my regular “type” if I want to find romantic happiness... and I do want to find romantic happiness, so why do I keep getting older when the guys I date seem to stay the same age?
By David Davila (playwright / songwriter)
It really didn’t take me very long to figure out what my type was once I hit the dating scene. I didn’t come out till I was twenty-two, and I was a late bloomer in the realms of sexuality, but after I’d put a few notches on my bedpost it was pretty easy to see what those notches had in common.
All the guys I’d dated could be classified as twinks; skinny, young, men, also referred to as “bois.” To be even more specific, these twinks all had exotic eyes, big ears, triangular smiles, and were usually of the “nerdy” variety. Ethnicity had nothing to do with it as long as they met these guidelines.
You probably shouldn't google "twinks" cause you'll just end up with a lot of porn. Unless that's what you're looking for, then by all means, google away.
I know, I know, that’s very specific. What on Earth could cause me to fall for this specific type of guy time and time again?
I have no clue, but people continuously kept telling me that all my ex-boyfriends looked identical.
(They kept saying my exes all looked like Filipino film star, Enchong Dee, who I'm obviously a fan of, and who I saw in concert at Lincoln Center last year because I just LOVE Filipino cinema, but that's an entirely different blog guys. And it's totally true, all my exes do look like Enchong Dee... and for the record he was absolutely terrible in concert, can we say autotuned?)
As the years pass by I’ve wondered if my “type” comes from something biological or something psychological, or perhaps if those two things are one in the same.
Lately, however, I’ve thought only of how I might be able to change my “type.” Can it even be done?
See, I just turned thirty, and I can’t help thinking about finding someone to settle down with, maybe start a family with, maybe not, but at least someone to buy a house with, and plan vacations with. My type is so specific that the chances of finding someone who match them AND also wants to spend the rest of their life with me seem about as slim as twinks themselves.
Sure there are plenty of guys who meet those criteria, but they’re all under the age of twenty-two, twenty-five if I'm lucky.
Am I supposed to keep dating "bois" just because I’m attracted to them? No one in that age group is ready to settle down, and even if they were, would I want to settle down with someone whose life is that unstable?
My Johnson says yes, but my brain says no.
Meanwhile back in Manhattan, I get hit on by Bears, Wolves, and Otters non-stop. A particular wolf of a man can’t keep his hands off me as much as I scurry away at every chance.
A good friend of mine, let’s call him Shmelias, keeps telling me that he can find beauty in every girl he bangs. All he has to do is focus on the one beautiful aspect of a girl, inward or out, and he’ll bang the heck out of her till dawn. Is this the kind of thing that I’m supposed to learn? I’ve been taught all my life that beauty comes from within, so is it possible to fuck someone’s inner beauty like Shmelias says?
If I’m not sexually attracted to someone I’m sleeping with, I'll be so un-into-it that I'll just roll over and let them finish on their own, or maybe just ask them to leave. I know. I'm a terrible person, I'm not some hot super model that has the pick of the litter either, I'm a bear cub after all, so why is my type so specific?
But there it is, the awful truth about my vein sex life. The question I ponder though is…. Can it be fixed? Can I force myself to be sexually attracted to a different type, and therefore find love and eternal happiness? Or will I fool myself into such happiness only to wake up after a year to find that I am miserable and sexually unsatisfied leading to a life of cheating and open relationships?
Hey maybe that's why they call it "settling" down?
Any advice or insight on the matter would be greatly appreciated. Should I bring the ole Wolf-Man home? Or keep hoping that I'll find the twink-nerd of my dreams?
Until I get this all figured out I guess I’ll just have to enjoy all the eye candy tailored to David Davila’s eye on this season of RuPaul's Drag Race. So much eye candy and soooo much drama! I. JUST. CAN'T!
... and now for the 90's jam of the week. Since we're talking about finding someone beyond physical attraction, it seemed appropriate to include one of my favorite 90's jams by SHAI, kept alive in glee clubs, and boy bands for centuries to come. If I ever fall in love again, I will be sure that the "lady" is a friend.
DAVID DAVILA is presenting a concert of his original songs on Feb 17th at the Triad, and Feb 27th at the Underground. Come check them out! He is half of the song-writing duo Havrilla & Davila, author of the Tex-Mex plays ADAN Y JULIO, MEN OF GOD, CREDO, REQUERDOS OF MY LIFE, and AZTEC PIRATES AND THE INSIGNIFICANCE OF LIFE ON MARS. He is a self proclaimed Voxist, a Diva enthusiast, and founder of Lone Star Theatre Co. Wanna talk about it? www.daviddavila.net
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