DOWN WITH SNACKS

Everyone hates cell phones going off at the theatre, but there is something much worse.
By Jaye Hunt (angry audience member)

Last weekend, I saw one of the final performances of Golden Boy. I really enjoyed it, but clearly not nearly as much as the woman behind me was enjoying her snack. She was silent throughout the first act, but during the first intermission she had clearly gone to a store called Extensively Packaged Foods and bought out their entire stock, which she proceeded to unwrap and eat for the entirety of the next two acts, sounding something like this. 

                                                        An aproximation of her snack.

Now, I have nothing against someone eating during a performance (I've done it myself, though often due less to hunger and more to boredom) but why not either eat something that doesn't come wrapped in seven thousand layers of tinfoil or unwrap it before the act starts? That way you get to eat your snack and everyone else gets to enjoy the show without thinking that they're watching the play on a broken TV channel.

I would be less upset were this the first time it had happened, but it's an unfortunately common occurrence. At almost every show I've seen in the last month, I've heard someone clinking ice cubes in a glass, opening a bag of chips, unwrapping tinfoil, or summoning Satan. Usually it's greeted by a few glares and an occasional shushing, just as the pre show announcement that includes "and if you have any candy, please unwrap it now!" is greeted with a chuckle from the audience. But I believe these are underreactions, and the punishment must fit the crime, so the next time someone starts to unwrap something near me, I'm going to go all Patti Lupone on them. 

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And now, the Cher Tweet of the Week:

                                          I've read mystery novels less ominous than this.

JAYE HUNT is running for president in 2016 on an anti-tinfoil platform.
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Comments

[kitty]

DOWN WITH PREPACKAGED FOODS! UP WITH ORGANIC AND ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY WRAPPINGS! WHAT DO WE WANT? LESS WASTE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? BEFORE INTERMISSION!

[Joanna Syiek (Director/Producer/Blogger)]

Gah, I love Cher's twisteries (tweet + mysteries).