STANDARDS OF WEALTH

Since moving to New York my idea of what it means to be big dawgin' has seriously changed. 
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic) 

If you can afford to buy real trash bags, not the dollar store brand but the classy ones with the drawstrings that don't tear off, AND blue recycling bags, you are seriously upper middle class.

What are you a Carnegie?!

Fresh vegetables on the regular.   

You have pets and don't go into panic sweats when they need to go to the vet.

Couch pillows that match. 

Call It A Bad Romance

If your sheets and towels are less then five years old you must be on salary somewhere. 

Name brand yoga pants. 

I mentally rub one out to the idea of my own washer dryer. People who can just throw one item in a cold delicate cycle on a random Wednesday afternoon are bawlin' big time. 

If this was in NYC I'd assume this person was a Kennedy

If you take your "Dry Clean Only" clothes to the dry cleaner instead of washing them in cold water in a salad bowl and then hanging them in the shower to dry I assume you have money to burn.

Leah Bonnema is a Stand Up Comic. www.LeahBonnema.com
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Comments

[David Davila]

Oh my Gosh Leah I couldn't agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! little things that I used to do when I lived in Texas.... I was thinking about it last week... I'm just super poor. I remember when I had a microwave, and a couch, not to mentiona dining room, and a fire place. I remember when I cable, and when I used to buy things for pleasure, like electronics... and when I used to go out to nice restaurants like Red Lobster!!! LOL LOL LOL.......... seriously though I really miss my chain restaurants :/ #Bohemiandreams

[Leah Bonnema]

I love chain restaurants David Davila, SO much! I went to my first Golden Corral only a little while back -wowowowow! And I always go to Olive Garden for my birthday because I am classy!

Central Air. BOOM.

[Melissa Presti]

It's the most depressing time of year when I get my tax return and feel rich for one week, then I spend it, then it's back to being poor forever.

[Selena]

Haha--rub one out to the idea of a washer & dryer. I FEEL YOU! Even though my laundromat is only a block away, it still takes time to put the stuff in the washer, then walk home and sit for 25 minutes. Then go back and transfer. Then walk home and sit for 30 minutes. THen go back & fistfight old people for a spot at the folding table. Baaah!

Hilarious as always, gurl! xoxo

[Leah Bonnema]

Melissa - that's why there are credit cards. :) Thanks for reading!!

[Leah Bonnema]

SELENA!!! YES I cannot take fighting with the ladies - for me it's for dryers - it makes me anxious. HA! Laundry Mat Panic.

Thank you for the good words lady! I really appreciate it!

[Genericwahlberg]

Love it Leah! Took some equate brand ibuprofen because I could only afford to get rid of half my headache. Muah! AS Always enjoy your work..

[Leah Bonnema]

Thanks so much GW! I always use Rite Aid brand ibuprofen - I have a points card. BIG DAWGIN!

[Cathy]

I so want one of those washer dryer duplexes. At 68/69 I am still lugging clothes down three flights of the stairs to the coin operated washer and dryer in the basement of my - yes - condo. Sigh.Someone in the neighborhood wants to make money picking up, wash and dry and fold and drop of my clothes. A serious promo on my door tonight. Hmmm

[Leah Bonnema]

Drop off is dreamy! Thanks for the read Cathy! (I have to walk three blocks)