VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS FOR REAL PEOPLE

Picking out a Valentine's Day card can be aggravating. There are a lot of 'You are the other half of my soul' bullshit sayings out there that make romance so unrealistic. And worse, they miss out on all the really great things about love because they're too focused on glass slippers and red roses. So here are a few ideas for Valentine's Day cards that may (or may not) be a little more relatable...
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic)

Watching Rocky movie marathons with you at 3am is sheer perfection. 

You make me not hate some of the things I used to hate.

I didn't realize that I could find lint in a bellybutton so adorable, I almost want to knit a sweater. Almost.

I appreciate you letting me be me; specifically thank you for not judging when I lay on the floor while sobbing watching The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers every six months because Daylight Savings Time makes me remember that we are all dying.

Thank you for constantly trying to hump me: when I am doing dishes, feeding the guinea pigs, sleeping, changing, walking through the apartment, it makes me feel like a pretty lady.

Thank you for being supportive of my choices even if they weren't the choices you would make. Being able to do whatever I want to do and be whoever I want to be is the best gift ever. And money for my health insurance premium, also a great gift. 

You are my partner for the zombie apocalypse. 

Thank you for voting, volunteering with me and going to rallies for women's rights. I appreciate that you appreciate vagina, human rights & equality. You are a good man. I won't tell anybody. 

I know I really love you because I oscillate between wanting to kill you and praying that you never ever die. 

Thank you for sitting next to me when bad things happen. Thank you for sitting next to me when good things happen. I'm so lucky you show up. 

Nice package. I think I will keep ya. 

Leah Bonnema is a Stand Up Comic. www.LeahBonnema.com
EMAIL HER |  FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR

Comments

[David Davila]

BRILLIANT!!!!! They should hire you at Hallmark!

[Leah B]

Thanks so much Davila - I think so too! ;)

[Annissa Omran]

These are just so beautiful! "I know I really love you because I oscillate between wanting to kill you and praying that you never ever die." I will definitely be quoting this.

[Leah B]

Thanks so much Annissa! That one really sums up relationships I feel;)