BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH: THE WEEK IN REVIEW

Oh, Jackie. I love when you recap.
By Gregory Jacobs-Roseman (Composer-Lyricst) 

Today on the Ides of March, the fateful day when Julius Caesar met his maker at the hands of Marcus Brutus, I considered continuing my New York series of the past three weeks into a fourth installment devoted to the now overturned soda law – a development that made me quite annoyed this week. But so much happened this week – what with Mercury in retrograde or something, that I figured the time was right to do a week-in-review post. So here’s what went down this week by category, through the eyes of yours truly.

LOCAL/U.S.: Food Fight

Unless you were living under a rock this week, you heard that Mayor Bloomberg’s so-called “soda ban” (an awful name for the law) was struck down by a judge.

Everyone has their opinion on the law, but talking to friends and hearing the media this past week, it seems few people actually understood what the law was trying to accomplish. This law was aimed at stemming obesity in kids living in poorer neighborhoods of the city – kids who often buy their meals at fast food restaurants and other local establishments. I for one say limiting the amount of sugar and calories they can imbibe in one sitting is a good thing, and could have gone a long way to promoting healthy living.

But we live in America, and this story was ripe for media outrage. It was sold as if the government was telling adults what they could and couldn’t drink, which is the opposite of what it was going to do. No one was going to stop a grown adult from getting a refill on his or her 16-ounce soda. But don’t tell that to the anti-education, FOX News-watching yahoos out there, because in an effort to do nothing more than give a big middle finger to Michelle Obama and what Sarah Palin dubbed “fake America,” Mississippi lawmakers approved what they call the “anti-Bloomberg bill,” a law that bans Mississippi cities and counties from enacting legislation limiting portion sizes, banning trans fats & the like, or posting calorie counts on menus. Really, Mississippi? Hey, how’s that whole being the state in the nation with the highest rate of obesity thing working out for you? You better be thankful the healthcare law passed, otherwise your entire state would be diagnosed with a pre-existing condition.

It’s the children that really suffer in all this, and that’s what makes me crazy. A bunch of so-called “freedom-loving” adults are content to watch their kids grow overweight and develop disease just so they can enjoy their big gulps. I have yet to hear a convincing argument for why kids should be consuming that much sugar on a daily basis.

 
Here's the only kind of sugar you need (any excuse to include a little Hedwig). Also: are there any Musical Theatre songs about soda? I can't think of a single one.

WORLD: Does The Pope Shit In The Woods?

I'll have you know, dear readers, that I searched long and hard for a video clip of the "does the pope shit in the woods" quote from The Big Lebowski but it does not appear to exist online in a form I could find. There's this one from Californication but it's just not the same.

Did you hear? There’s a new Pope! Pope Francis was selected on Wednesday as white smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel chimney, and this guy reportedly walks the walk – the first ever Pope from the New World, he’s also a Jesuit which means he’s super into poor people or something and doesn’t even like fancy cars or those Prada shoes all the Popes wear.

Now here’s the thing: I was raised Jewish, I’m currently agnostic, gay, and a socialist, so I shouldn’t give two fucks about the Papacy. And yet, I’m also a student of history, so I can’t help but be in awe of the historical moment for a deeply flawed institution that has been around for centuries. Yeah. The dude is awful on gay rights and women’s rights and whatnot. But remember that this is the Catholic Church we’re talking about here. It took them 400 fucking years to forgive Galileo for suggesting the Earth revolves around the Sun. I’m not saying that gives them an excuse, I’m just saying this is an institution that doesn’t take kindly to change. A new Pope isn’t gonna suddenly catapult them into the modern era, and anyone who thinks he can is being a little naïve.

But hey, unlike the last guy, this one wasn’t a member of the Nazi youth. So, you know… that’s something.

Growing up Jewish and gay, this was my only exposure to Catholicism. Thus I assumed that all nuns behaved like this all the time. (Also, Rue McClanahan, I still love you.) 

TECH: Facebook And Other #firstworldproblems

Facebook is changing its look again and I can’t wait. Not for the new layout or anything – I couldn’t care less about that. I can’t wait for all the whining and bitching by people who voluntarily signed up for the free – that’s right, FREE – networking service that Facebook offers about how much they hate the new Facebook and how you should sign this petition to get Facebook to change it back to the old layout – you know, the one they HATED SO MUCH and wanted you to sign a petition to change back when it was first introduced but now can’t live without.

Also, there are reports that Facebook will start integrating #Hashtags like on twitter, so all you twitter holdouts really have no excuse for not joining at this point. Just sign up already – oh, and don’t forget to follow me at @GJRoseman.

ENTERTAINMENT: The Final Weeks of #ctownsmash?

It was reported on Wednesday that NBC is moving our beloved musical drama Smash from 10 on Tuesdays to 9pm on Saturdays starting April 6, and has not announced whether or not it will get a season three. This doesn’t spell good news for the series. The ratings haven’t been great but it’s a little early yet to announce a cancellation – and yet, it’s been moved to Saturdays, AKA: NOT primetime. Still, I’m hoping this isn’t the final nail in the coffin, and I refuse to give any eulogies until it’s officially cancelled. Stranger things have happened when it comes to network television after all. Keep your fingers crossed, and as long as there are new episodes of Smash there will be live tweeting by whichever Crazytown writers decide to join in when the episodes air! Use #ctownsmash on twitter every week to join the conversaton!

 
I'd say they keep moving the line on the show too, but the ratings just haven't been there. And it's been so much better this season too!

LIFESTYLE: Erin Go Bragh!

It’s St. Patrick’s Day this Sunday! I’m especially looking forward to the holiday this year because I have been on an alcohol cleanse for a month – I started the day after Valentine’s Day – and I'm allowed to drink again on St. Patrick’s (okay, I allowed myself two cheat days: the Oscars, and the New York Wine Expo and Restaurant Show, to which I already had passes)! I usually try to avoid my neighborhood as it is where all the trashy bridge and tunnel folk descend to vomit green beer in the street all day. Amateurs.

 
Oh, Tom Lehrer. THE original singer-songwriter satirist. Here's his Irish Ballad. 

Don’t drink like those assholes. Be classy this St. Patrick’s Day and mix up some cocktails instead of the cheap green beer. I’ve compiled a list of recipes from various cocktail books, both classic and modern, that are sure to make your St. Patrick’s Day a blast. Here we go:

Classic:

Irish Black Thorn

2 oz. Irish whiskey
1 oz. dry vermouth
2 dashes Angostura bitters 

Stir with ice and strain into a chilled coupe rinsed with absinthe. Garnish with a lemon twist.

Tipperary Cocktail

2 oz. Irish whiskey
1 oz. sweet vermouth 

Stir with ice and strained into a chilled coupe rinsed with Green Chartreuse. No garnish.

Modern:

Emerald Isle

2.5 oz. gin
.5 oz. green crème de menthe
3 dashes Angostura bitters 

Shake with ice and strain into a chilled coupe or cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon twist.

Irish Buck

2 oz. Irish whiskey
5 oz. ginger ale. 

Squeeze a lemon wedge into a highball glass filled with ice and drop it in. Add whiskey and top with ginger ale. Stir gently. 

St. Patrick’s Day

1 oz. Irish whiskey
1 oz. Green Chartreuse
1 oz. Green crème de menthe
1 dash Angostura bitters 

Shake with ice and strain into a chilled coupe or cocktail glass. No garnish.

And a little Irish coffee for that mid-day drink pick-me-up:

Irish Coffee

2 oz. Irish whiskey
4 to 5 oz. hot coffee
Simple syrup or demerara syrup to taste
1 to 2 oz. heavy cream 

Build ingredients in an Irish coffee mug. Float cream on top.

Modern iced variation: Chill coffee in refrigerator immediately after brewing until cold. Stir all ingredients with ice and strain into an ice-filled rocks glass.

OR, if you can’t wait until Sunday for a tasty libation, drink a Bloody Caesar today in honor of the Ides of March (it’s basically a Bloody Mary but with Clamato juice in lieu of tomato juice):

Bloody Caesar

2 oz. vodka
4 oz. Clamato juice
.5 oz. lemon juice
1 to 2 shakes black pepper
1 to 2 shakes celery salt
.25 teaspoon grated horseradish
2 to 3 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 to 3 dashes Tabasco sauce (more if you want a spicier drink)
Optional: 2 to 3 dashes Colgin Liquid Smoke (my own signature addition – I like my bloodies smoky) 

Shake vigorously over ice. Strain into ice-filled highball glass. Garnish with lemon wedge and celery stalk.

Beware the Ides. And enjoy!

GREGORY JACOBS-ROSEMAN is a composer/lyricist and theatrical sound designer currently developing Save The Date: A New Musical Comedy. www.gregjr.com
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Comments

[David Davila]

stab caesar! and drink Bloody Caesars those are my FAVE!!!!!!!! Except that you can't order them almost anywhere in NYC because they don't sell clamato. Though... you can usually find clamato in the heights... in Texas if you order a bloody mary it's usually actually a bloody caesar.