They're better/worse than ever before... bad TV ads. Brace yourselves.
By Ali Gordon
They're baaaaaaack... terrible TV ads delivered right to you via CRAZYTOWN! After posting the previous installment of "The Best of the Worst", people contacted me to share some of their favorite local TV ads and "WTF"-inspiring national commercials. So here she is boys, here she is world, heeeeeere's more!
This ad was delivered to me by three separate friends, all natives or school-attendees of Cleveland, which only goes to show that it has pizazz and undeniable mass appeal. It features animals (sort of), a very distinctive speaking voice (kind of), a shocking reveal (okay, this point is actually true... it is shocking), and is the only ad I know that simultaneously advertises furniture, someone's web show, and could essentially be an ad for D.A.R.E in that no one will be messing with meth after seeing this bad-trip-disaster.
I loooooooove this following commercial. It's from Seattle, Washington, and it is so utterly perplexing and em brassing and bizarre, I want it played at my funeral.
So... many... things... to say. Firstly, boy oh boy, does this guy want you to get to work in your car!!! God forbid you should step foot on a bus in order to save gas money or cut down on air pollution. He'll shoot that idea down right away. Literally. With his pistol. More things I love about this train wreck:
- The rack focus shot of... the rack. You can't make this stuff up.
- The bizarre white-guy sidekick who looks like a character played by Keegan Michael Key.
- Also, you're buying insurance from a place called VERN FONK. Vern. Fonk.
I almost want to present this one without comment, because it speaks volumes for itself, but I will say that when he screeches "RAMADAAAAAAN" my dog jumped off my bed and started barking wildly. So that's what kind of ad this is.
I heard they tried to get Daniel Day-Lewis to star in this ad for Lincoln Auto Insurance, but he couldn't stay in-character for much longer after the shooting for Lincoln wrapped. Plus, he demanded a pay-raise after his Oscar win, and they weren't going to stand for that diva-like behavior. Press claims Anne Hathaway contacted the local retailers to try and steal the role in Day-Lewis' absence, but they refused. Hathaway's PR people refuse to comment.
Last one for now. And this one's special, because it has celebrity endorsement.
It's Shoedini! You know, the idea isn't so ridiculous, but Gilbert Gottfried takes this to a whole new level. Firstly, he sounds so angry (as usual) that I can't help but feel like he's watching these poor older folks struggle to take their shoes off and he's berating them. "YOU OLD FOOLS, BUY THIS F#$*%ING SHOE HORN YOU PIECE OF #@!& WASTE OF SPACE GERIATRIC LOSERS!" And then, just when you're beginning to think Shoedini might not be such a bad idea, and it sounds inventive and new and useful, Gottfried punctuates the ad by exclaiming,"it's not just a shoehorn! It's a shoehorn on a stick!!" And then, just as you were beginning to think that the Shoedini was new and inventive and useful you realize... wait. It's just a Shoehorn on a stick. And no one buys Shoedini. Not even Gottfried. Because he just yells at his shoes until they acquiesce and climb onto his feet.