Crazytown

MY KIND OF HUMOR

This is just terrible. But I'm laughing.
By BrightMonster (An Actor and Terrible Person)

This guy definitely lost his job. But look at the bright side...

Now he has a great story to tell his cellmates...right before they slaughter him.

 

CHUTZPA

And now, a word from our youth.
By BrightMonster (An Actor)

Thought you've seen it all?

Here are two girls possessed by the devil himself.
 

God dammit.

WORDS AND THE MIDDLEGROUND

No one is happy. And yet, no one is sad.
By BrightMonster (An Actor)

Currently, I'm portraying a 14-year old kid in a musical. I thought it would be a neat challenge because I'm 10 years older and ultimately wiser and more mature than that.

How would I revert to my adolesence? What could I tap into that would release my teenage mojo?

Then I heard a theory from my director and it changed everything.

"When you are a teenager, everything is epic. The rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows make being an adolescent inherently dramatic."

I found that to be so true and incredibly profound.

Realizing that my task was to ramp up my emotions to dangerous levels also made me think of how we are today.

A big difference with the 20-something culture is that we have found a way to make every emotion the same (see Kristen Stewart).

When some tragedy occurs, It's never a tragedy...it just "sucks."

When something miraculous occurs, it's never outrageous...it's just "cool."

Also, to paraphrase Louis C.K.

"We use words now regardless of their meaning. We always just choose the top shelf when it comes to words. For example, we use a word like "amazing" to describe a space shuttle launch and a bucket of chicken wings."

It would be great to go back the time when laughing out loud was something we did and not abbreviated.

THAT would be "amazing."

AN ACTOR PREPARES...IS BACK!

Your favorite actors are back with your favorite show!
By BrightMonster (An Actor and a culinary superstar!)

Good morning CRAZYTOWN!

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and our little web series, "An Actor Prepares..." has gone somewhat viral.

I thank you CRAZYTOWNERS for spreading the good word and hope that you will continue to do so.

I now present you with episode (or Act) 2 of "An Actor Prepares..."

Also stick around for the outtakes. Who doesn't love to laugh at other people's expense?

Ciao!

An Actor Prepares...LASAGNA!

An Actor Prepares...OUTTAKES!

A NATION SWEEPING IDEA

Let's make something.
By BrightMonster (An Actor and Dreamer)

I watch the show "Shark Tank" a lot.

It's a reality show where entrepreneurs (up-and-coming and otherwise) pitch their product, brand, or business to a room of millionaires and billionaires.

The catch? There isn't one. In fact, at the beginning of the show, they disclaim that all of the money talked about and exchanged during the course of the filming is the actual money once belonging to the aptly named SHARKS.

Obviously they don't just give their money away. They barter, bicker, and negotiate percentage of equity they are to receive in exchange for the cash. After all, there is a reason why they are all so filthy rich. They can see a product and are able to predict it's financial future. They weigh the risks of investing in it, and ultimately go in on the venture or jump ship.

Now that you have a basic idea of the show, here's MY idea.

GLUE-SPIRATION

Just some Monday morning amazingness!
  

I Forgot.

This morning I realized I had forgot to compose a CRAZYTOWN blog post.

I freaked.

But then I realized I had an iPhone.

One of the most profound technological achievements of this century.

I don't need a computer to share my thoughts!

Want to hear why I didn't get any sleep last night?

A stupid person was dropped into my life in the form of a cab driver. My girlfriend, Alex Wyse (Lysistrata Jones...one more week!), and I hailed a cab last night.

We got in and headed North. Up Madison Avenue, I started to notice something. Alex and Lindsey were chatting about something and weren't paying attention (because they were under the false assumption that there was a normal human behind the wheel).

I noticed that our cab was jockeying between two lanes. Almost as if he was bored with one lane and needed some fresh street to drive on. That's when I saw his head.

It was slumped over towards the window. He was sleeping.

He kept waking himself up and falling back to sleep, hence the swerving. We hit a red light, and when it was green and he didn't go, I screamed and banged on his window, "GREEN LIGHT!!! AND WAKE UP PLEASE!!! YOU ARE FALLING ASLEEP!!!"

He assured me he wasn't, though coincidentally he opened his window and blasted the radio.

He continued to half drive across the park almost slamming us into a police car (thanks cops, by the way) and the center divide.

When we got to the west side of the park, we asked him to stop and we got out. I toyed with the fact of not paying, but thought better of it.

I didn't tip him.

I stayed up way longer than I needed to last night. All thanks to someone who was fatefully dropped into our proverbial lap.

I don't wish harm upon him, but I do hope he gets his someday.

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me at the start of the week!

Love you all...happy to be able to write this to you. Pay attention to your cab drivers. Adieu!

COPS AND BIKE LANES.

I don't ride a bike in NYC. But my friends do.
By BrightMonster (An Actor and Activist by Choice)

 

DICKWADS, FARTS, AND NOZZLES

Starting the week off right...with a rant.
By BrightMonster (An Actor and Rant-ist)

It was recently brought to my attention that there has been an overwhelming amount of videos posted on CRAZYTOWN and not enough talking. This week, I am just going to write.

I asked a couple people what I should write about. Oddly enough, the response wasn't very varied.

"Do what you do best...RANT."

Whether it's something I am proud of or not doesn't matter. What matters most is that I have an extreme talent for it.

Observe.

1. The Dickwad Theory


I believe that we are all put on this great planet for a very specific reason. Some of us don't realize our potential until a lot later on in life. Most of us are destined for greatness whether it be large or small. But then there are some that are merely on this Earth to "balance us out." They are known as DICKWADS.

In movie theaters, they are the people that like to whisper throughout the film. When shushed, they either shush back or laugh and get louder. On the street, they like to yell at girls they don't know and comment on their "phat assez" and tell the world how "fly and bangin'" they are. In your apartment, they like to smoke in the stairwells, providing the entire building with that feeling that the whole building is on fire. At restaurants, they like to treat the servers like slaves and actively deny the use of "please" and "thank you."

You can't escape a DICKWAD. You can only observe and marvel at their "talent." Patient people can see a DICKWAD and think, "thank heavens I'm not like that." I don't have that power and I sort of don't want it. Maybe I get a sick fascination out of rolling my eyes and scoffing at these people. Maybe I have a little DICKWAD inside me as well.


2. Old People

Since I got to New York City, one thing has remained very constant. A lot of the old people here suck. Let me clarify for you. I'm talking about people that are 65-75 years old. I strongly believe that once you turn a solid 80 years old, you just become fascinating in every way. And also, good for you for living that long (especially with people like me around). But these 65-75 year old...FARTS i'll call them...have been pissing me off for years now.

On crowded subways, these FARTS like to think that they deserve whatever seat they choose. Let me say this...I am all for offering my seat up to somebody who looks like they would need it more than me. But if a person feels entitled to the seat, my ass stays glued there. In a restaurant, these FARTS not only treat the service like balls of shit, but they also never like the food (and yet they still insist on coming back).
During stage plays, these FARTS like to comment and discuss the action happening right in front of them. As far as they're concerned, their ticket price allows them to ruin the experience for others. FARTS call that an upgrade.

Basically a FART is someone that feels entitled to ludicrous things because as they'll tell you, "I've seen a depression and 2 world wars...I'm owed the right."

3. Douchenozzles

The last group of people I have decided to rant about are DOUCHENOZZLES. We will just call them NOZZLES for short. You have all seen these guys before. It's Friday night. The work week is over. You are walking up an avenue and pass by a bar. And that's when you see them. Five or six guys all wearing matching-ish suits acting like a bunch of frat dudes. They can drink just like they used to back in high school and college because that's when they stopped growing...mentally at least.

At a bar, NOZZLES will often talk about girls, tits, asses, their waitress' tits and ass, and all the fucking they "probably will be doing later." At a club, NOZZLES will be at a VIP table with ludicrously expensive bottle service and even more ludicrously expensive hookers to share it with. They won't dance, but they will make fun of any other "faggots" dancing. Out of the 3 groups of people, NOZZLES are the most fun to watch. Mostly because it's hilarious to watch all of the frustrated and closeted gay tendencies play out.

If any of you would like to add to this list, feel free.

To those of you who think I'm generalizing...You're wrong.

;)

That is all.

Rant: Accomplished.

AMERICAN IDO...N'T CARE.

A rant on reality rubbish.
By BrightMonster (An Actor and Advocate of People)

So the winner of "American Idol" was...

I think Alfred E. Newman...but I really don't care.

It's a great show with lots of followers. It has done wonders for some...and I stress...SOME. And who doesn't love watching that midget, Ryan Seacrest, make all sorts of money walking around a stage awkwardly asking questions?

I am a gigantic believer of making your own luck. I am also a huge believer in the idea that everything will happen for a reason.

I think that reality television contests (mostly "American Idol") are the complete antithesis of winning by merit.

Personally, I know 20 people who could have beat out the last 5 "American Idol" winners and runners up.

"Why didn't they audition then, Alex?"