This week, we continue the pursuit of the world's finest fromager.
By Douglas Byrne (Cheese Enthusiast)
The big day.
I wake up early. (8:15 is early for actors.) I go for a walk. I come back to my room. I take a shower. I patiently wait until 9:30 since I know I won't be able to meet Scottie until 10:00 at the earliest. I call the market.
"Fairway Market. This is Angela. How may I help you?"
"Hey Angela, is Steve Jenkins working today? I believe he'd be in the cheese department."
"You want the cheese department?"
"However you feel is best to check." [I'm too nervous to realize that this statement is probably annoying.]
[Male voice answers.]
At this point, I am a wreck. Totally off guard. Supremely unprepared. Completely taken by surprise.
"Hello, um, is this Mr. Steve Jenkins?"
"This is he."
[I shivers with joy at his usage of correct grammar.]
"Hello, Mr. Jenkins. My name is Doug, and I was wondering if you will be working for the next couple of hours because I am a big fan of yours and would love to come to the store and get your autograph." [Breathe.]
"Yeah, I'll be here. Come on over. Just have the floor manager call me, and I'll come down."
Down? Down from where? The creamy gates of Cheese Heaven? The milky halls of the Lovely Land of Lactose? The velvety mountains of Munster and Manchego?
I immediately go into the execution phase of this plan. I meet Scottie for breakfast, and told him of my cheese-loving plans. And this is where I found my accomplice. I'm sure he is bursting at the seams to schlep uptown to get the autograph of my Roquefort Rockstar. After breakfast, we hop on a 1 subway car until we arrive at our destiny, I mean, destination.