Have you ever wished you could go back and slap some sense into your younger self? Yeah, me too.
By Ali Gordon
From the ages of 11-15, I needed guidance. Since I didn’t have an older sister to simultaneously respect and burn with envy over, no one was there to kick my proverbial ass when I was headed down the wrong path. Teenagerdom is a maze, and one I didn’t do a very good job navigating. Have you ever wanted to find your younger self and shake them, hard? I mean, really hard? Yeah, me too. Here are a few choice words I would have had for younger Ali.
- Your parents raised you well, Ali. They instilled a great deal of self-respect in you, and they taught you that your brain is the best thing about you. (Note: Ali, later in life, call up your parents and specifically thank them for instilling this in you. This information makes you feel better after all of your break-ups.) But also, Ali, it doesn’t hurt to look good, either. No, no, I’m not saying you should become vain, or value looks over personality, but would it really kill you to get a haircut? I mean, it’s down to your butt.
- One day you will be sitting in the car with your father and he will be playing an album by Harry Nilsson. After listening to his warbling for a while, you will angrily exclaim, “Dad, you only listen to music that absolutely sucks.” First off, Ali, don’t talk to your Dad like that. He’s awesome. Secondly, let me tell you now that at the age of 23, Nilsson Schmilsson is one of your very favorite albums. Surprise! Now, go get a haircut.