Crazytown

GO, KATIE HOLMES, GO!

 Miles Mandwelle (Actor/Musician)

I never thought I'd say this in twenty million years...

But...

I'm kinda obsessed with Katie Holmes' divorce in the news these days.

I have to give her some serious kudos for not only taking the situation into her hands, but it looks like taking her life back as well. In a very, very big way.

Go you!.

Because of this, every time I walk by the Church of Scientology in Washington, D.C., all I really want to do is show my support for Katie by jumping on the lawn and singing this little ditty we used to all know so well…

 

One might think that people would immediately understand and join in, but the thought of doing it alone is kind of scary.

So....

I have two weeks left in DC before going back to school...

WHO WANTS TO DO IT WITH ME?

 

MILES MANDWELLE is an actor/musician living out of a suitcase, currently in Washington, D.C. He spends his days looking for theatre that will blow his mind and witticisms that will distract him from boredom.
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SCIENTOLOGY AND ME

Gena Discovers her Mother's L. Ron Hubbard Connection...        By Gena Oppenheim (Writer)

In the midst of the recent TomKat craziness, my mom, whose pop culture analysis is usually along the lines of “Seinfeld must have originally been called Steinfeld, because Seinfeld doesn’t seem like a real last name,” shocked me when she shared her first hand experience with Scientology.

The summer after college while traveling in Europe, my mom decided to visit a friend who was staying at a "residential college" outside of London. Upon arriving at this “college” she was immediately struck by the odd nature of the student's conversations. Phrases such as “My cancer disappeared last week” and “I can walk now” were thrown in the air.  When she casually asked what people were studying her friend replied:“Self-Actualization.” It was the 60’s, so this kind of phraseology was the norm. It wasn’t until she was in a "meeting circle" that things started to get truly trippy.

A young woman stood in the center and introduced herself as “Alexis Hubbard.” She welcomed everyone to
the group which would welcome them to the wonderful world of Scientology.

She continued that her father (L. Ron Hubbard) had “disseminated into the universe” earlier that year and how, even on his deathbed, he knew everything about everyone in the world. Mom quickly raised her hand and asked, “Even every peasant in China?” Without skipping a beat Ms. Hubbard stared her down and said: “Yes, every single one.”

THE RIGHT TO PEE STANDING UP... OR MARRY A GIRL

The equal rights amendment was supposed to stop gender roles from being assigned, so why do we still use them to make chorus boys watch ESPN? Oh... right... it was never passed.
by David Davila (playwright/song-writer)

 

Yesterday I had lunch at the counter of a very popular Astoria burger & shake joint, FAMOUS HAMBURGER (known for their halal burgers,) and indulged in a chocolate-banana shake (FYI: that is not a sexual act... yet.) Pretty normal day off... except that it was raining, and the TVs were blasting the Tim Burton marathon on ABC Family.

I. WAS. IN. HEAVEN. A rainy day at the counter, with a milkshake AND Beetlejuice? I was living Suzanne Vega’s dream. I stayed till the end of the movie only to get a bit peeved when the manager came in and yelled at my waitress for changing the channel from ESPN. The conversation went a bit like this:

MANAGER: Brenda, what have I told you about changing the channel from ESPN?
BRENDA: No one wants to watch sports right now! All my customers are mothers with children, and gay guys.
ME: (interrupting, and kinda yelling) God why does everyone think the TV has to be playing sports? Why do straight guys get to decide what everyone watches? That is such a backwards-subservient way to think, like we have to do what “the man” wants to do at all times. Just cause the straight man wants to watch a random golf tournament in the middle of the afternoon, we all have to watch with boredom? This is a family restaurant so why wouldn’t we be watching ABC Family? If guys want to watch sports they will go across the street to CANZ.

totes verbal vomit

(I actually LOVE Canz, and highly recommend it. EVERYTHING on the menu is good; great selection of beers, and incredible service. You should totally check it out and invite me to go with you cause I totes live across the street from it. Just hit me up on twitter... lol.... no, for real.)

BRENDA: Yeah! What he said!
MANAGER: (chuckling) That’s a good point, I’ll keep that in mind.
BRENDA: So can we watch Edward Scissorhands?
MANAGER: (looking around the restaurant and seeing only kids, and gays) I guess.

It’s the small victories that mean the most... oh, and I’m by NO means a chorus boy, if you were insinuating that from the sub-title of this blog... though I did try it once in college...

(The Aggie boys of San Pedro Playhouses' 2006 production of WHOREHOUSE)

That little exchange really got me thinking about all those lesbians who complain about living in a male dominated world. I suddenly GOT IT. I got what they’ve been complaining about this whole time, and not just the lesbians, I felt very frustrated. I guess I’ve been frustrated about it for a while, and this attack on a middle-eastern hamburger-joint manager was the culmination of said frustration.

My apologies to you sir.

It started in childhood when I was expected to do all those masculine things, like walk without a swish, and stay away from the lifetime network, but I think the tipping point was Tuesday when I read about Edie Windsor.

(Edie Windsor and her late wife Thea Spyer)

If you haven’t heard about Edie Windsor, she’s an 83-year-old lesbian woman who had to pay $363,000.00 in estate-inheritance taxes because she is a woman. Let me be a little more clear on this, Edie’s wife died, and left Edie her entire estate, but because Edie is a woman she will have to pay an estate-inheritance tax. If she were a man, whose wife had died, her inheritance taxes would have been.... zero. She’s not a man though, and so she'll have to shell out a giant sum of money to the government, because she was born without a penis. That just doesn't seem fair to me.

For several years now, gays have been using religious freedom to argue our right to marry, but I’d like to add another layer to that argument; SEXISM...

OBAMACARE BECAUSE I CARE

"Hey Lazarus I would love to bring you back from the dead but unfortunately you're plan is out of network." - Something Jesus never said. 
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic) 

Most, if not all, of my blogs are somewhat lighthearted, splattered throughout with dick jokes and Rocky references. No matter how heavy the topic I am writing about I always try to make it comedic, as I am after all, a stand up. However this piece is a little different, a little longer and with less Gandalf references. This is about health care in the United States, a topic that has always been the proverbial dick in my, and I believe in America's, back. (I had to slip one in - just like a frat boy!) It is something I care very deeply about and so I would like to take this time to impart my belief that we as a nation are responsible for the well being of ALL our people and that that is what the health care debate is really all about. 

Being sick is scary enough, trying to get it                   covered makes it a nightmare

I was incredibly happy (and mildly shocked) by the Supreme Court Ruling last Thursday upholding that the individual health insurance mandate is constitutional (not that I thought it was unconstitutional, just that often politicking prevails). I am however always incredibly shocked and more than mildly saddened at how many people are against it, people who will benefit from the plan in the long run.

  

I am also disheartened and so very very tired of the hypocrisy of those who front that they are champions of traditional and family values and yet do not want their neighbor to be taken care of. As a product of bible summer camp, youth group, Church on Sundays and even the bell choir (for real), it's fair to say that I am quite familiar with the teachings of Jesus. And as I recall Jesus healed sick people for free. He didn't turn his back because leprosy was a pre-existing condition. In fact I am pretty sure when asked what were his most important teachings Jesus said (and I am paraphrasing) Love G*d and Love your neighbor. These things above all else. How have those politicians who call themselves Christians strayed so very very far away from the most essential teachings that they so profess?

THE FIVE LEVELS OF FAME

A guide to how famous you are.

By David Davila (playwright/song-writer)

On Saturday as my songwriting partner (Sean Havrilla) and I were tweaking the opening number to our new musical (F*#KING BEAUTIFUL) we somehow got sidetracked by the Madonna/Lady Gaga feud.

Sean quickly took sides with Lady Gaga, while I defended my queen, Madonna, but somehow my side-comment about a titty-flash became a larger discussion about artistry vs. fame, and more importantly; who was more famous.

 

The truth is, I spend way too much time thinking about things like this. Fame, as Lady Gaga would put it, is a monster, and has nothing really to do with artistry. Fame can be a short fifteen-minute visit or consume someone’s entire identity, as they become martyrs to it. It has become very clear to me that the world needs a way to measure this phenomenon called fame, and so I present to you: David Davila’s Five Levels of Fame.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DRAMA MORE COMPELLING

This post brought to you by the letter K, the number 3, and the recent Facebook IPO.
by Loren A. Roberts (guru of multi-hyphenate media)

I got several thoughts on my mind right now, and I'm gonna try and weave them into a cohesive thingee right now for your enjoyment. Watch and learn, young padawan...not.

My kids were in the spring musical at school this past weekend: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. Proud papa, etc. etc., they were both awesome, etc. etc., ohmygosh, your kid is going to be the next Josh Groban, etc. etc. (okay, I’m exagerating -- no, sorry -- flat out lying -- about that last one. ANYWAYS...) As good as everyone was, you wanna know what?

The stepsisters ruled the show.

These girls flung themselves into being laugh-out-loud-over-the-top evil, and it was delightful to watch. And it made me realize, once again, how important evil is to the world of drama. Do you find your story lacking some punch? Throw somebody truly dastardly into the mix and see what happens. I remember Madeleine L'Engle speaking about killing off one of her characters in a novel, and she said that, as much as she cried while writing it (and her kids crying the next day when they read what happened), the character of the killer (and the killing itself) was absolutely necessary to take the story to the place it needed to go. Evil has to exist for us to find the good in the story.

IS A STAR EVER JUST A STAR?

Gena witnesses a not-so age old religious dispute.                        By Gena Oppenheim (Writer)

This weekend, in a Times Square rehearsal space, I witnessed a pretty unusual squabble about religion. It all began when eight-year old "Sarah" came to me in tears while the other kids were practicing their best Broadway Baby interpretations. Sarah reported that "Seth" had told her:

"Christians aren't special."

After I confirmed what she said, I ran in and got the little boy in question. When Seth came out into the hall, his version of events were entirely different. He said he was doodling a Star of David on a piece of sheet music when Sarah asked him what it was, to which he replied:

"A Jewish Star."

Sarah then asked him if there were Christian stars, and he said:

"No."

As he retold the chain of events, Sarah again started to cry and whimpered:

"See he says they're no Christian Stars....but what about Jesus?! He was a star! And Mary...she was totally a star!"

After taking a few minutes to untangle this misunderstanding that perhaps has maligned other interfaith friendships, I gently pointed out to Sarah that Seth was drawing a symbol not a star like.... (the first name that popped into my head) Beyonce. Sarah then, understandingly, asked if that was the case,

"What's a Christian symbol?"

My mind went blank, until someone´s little sibling loudly piped up, "Duh...a cross!"

 

GENA OPPENHEIM Gena is a fourth generation New Yorker who teaches second-grade. She is a graduate of Barnard College and received her MFA from NYU Tisch's Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program. http://twitter.com/#!/genabeans

WHAT THE SALVATION ARMY AND REGINA GEORGE HAVE IN COMMON

By RSO

Have you ever noticed the Salvation Army's tagline? In case you've forgotten:

Doing the Most Good.  It always strikes me as super silly.  It says to me: "We know there are other charitable organizations out there, but we are the best, betch."

And for a Christian Charity organization, it feels a little, well... un-Christian.

It says, praise God from whom all blessings flow, but he flows the most for us.

He's got the whole world in his hands, but he put us on top.

Jesus loves the little children, but nope, still loves us more.

It's like if all the big charities got together, The Salvation Army would give Goodwill the stank face and be like:

Girl, we gooder than you.  Mm!

It reminds me of a time at NYU when a faculty member and an older student, who'd both recovered from cancer, got into an argument during class about whose tumor was better (worse).

There are some things you just shouldn't argue about. 

So to you, Salvation Army: stop with the competing and go back to what you do best... taking money and ignoring gay people.

RYAN SCOTT OLIVER wrote the music and lyrics for Darling, Mrs. Sharp, 35mm, Jasper in Deadland and is currently at work on Freaky Friday for Disney Theatricals. www.ryanscottoliver.com
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WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH, PURIM, AND MAD MEN

Looking to stories to fight the "War on Women."
By Shoshana Greenberg (lyricist/bookwriter)

March is a big month. Many celebrated the Jewish holiday of Purim, and the TV series Mad Men is set to begin its fifth season (finally!). March is also Women's History Month, which this year is occuring during what many are calling a "War on Women." It may not seem as though these three events are related, but they are. The female characters in Mad Men and the Purim story can shed light on how women in today's "War on Women" can effect change.

In the Purim story, Queen Vashti is banished (or killed) for going against the King, yet Queen Esther saves the Jewish people by working within the rules of the kingdom. Basically, speak up too much, and people dismiss you. Silently and sweetly win people over and play society's game, and you have a chance of effecting change.

Mad Men's Peggy and Joan  are also both struggling to exercise power in different ways in an oppressive society. Peggy, like Vashti, does not play by society's rules. She's trying to make her own rules and is often dismissed as one of those progressive women for speaking up too much. Joan, like Esther, has a husband and a respectable woman's job--a secretary--yet she gets many things done within the rules of the men's game.

Mad Men's Peggy Olsen and Joan Holloway

"SAY WHAT?!": A 2012 REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE GUESSING GAME!

Match the extremist to the outrageous & offensive statement!
By Jenny Donoghue

Someone needs to let these folks know that human beings can hear them when they say stuff. You'd think they're TRYING to win over as few people as possible. 

How To Play: Who said what? Simply match the 2012 Republican candidate with the correct reprehensive statement. Every single statement is sickeningly real, dates included.

Answers at the bottom, like those teen magazine quizzes we all used to love/reluctantly do to pass time and now hold nostalgic affection for.

Except not upside down, because this is the internet now.

THE POLITICIANS 

A. Ron Paul^[1]

B. Mitt Romney

C. Michelle Bachmann

D. Rick Santorum

E. Rick Perry^[2]

F. Newt Gingrich

THE QUOTES

1. "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer." (1994, about his first wife)

2. "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." (2009 during a debate)

3. "Is anyone saying same-​sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-​in-​law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?" (2008)

4. "PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." (2006, when questioned about driving 12 hours with his dog in a cage strapped to the top of his car) 

5.  "Don’t misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.” (2004)

6. "The rate of AIDS infection is on the increase again. From the gay point of view, the reasons seem quite sensible. First, these men don't really see a reason to live past their fifties. They are not married, they have no children, and their lives are centered on new sexual partners... because sex is the center of their lives, they want it to be as pleasurable as possible, which means unprotected sex. Third, they enjoy the attention & pity that comes with being sick." (1995 in a newsletter)

7. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. " (2011 in a campaign ad)

8. "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." (2011 while speaking to unemployed people in Florida...his net worth is over $200 million.)

 

ANSWERS (don't cheat!): 

1F, 2C, 3D, 4B, 5C, 6A, 7E, 8B

If nannying has taught me anything it's that making unpleasant things into games helps.

^[1]Not Ru Paul. Easy mistake. Certainly one I frequently make.

^[2] Manages the impossible feat of being more awkward looking than Frederick from The Sound of Music, World's Most Awkward Human.

JENNY DONOGHUE Made in Wales, matured in NY. Currently living in London. Like some kind of delicious weird mid-Atlantic cheese. Actor, sometimes writer, all-times human. www.jennydonoghue.com
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