Crazytown

ARGO BE FABULOUS!

By RSO

Former Crazytown contributor Brett Ryback has made a movie about people making a musical parodying a movie about people making a movie... it's ARGO the Musical!

Argo Be Fabulous!!

ARGO! The Musical - watch more funny videos

 

After watching this, doesn't make you want to do the Mobot?  Or at least, watch Tom Daley do the Mobot?

 

 

RYAN SCOTT OLIVER wrote the music and lyrics for Darling, Mrs. Sharp, 35mm, Jasper in Deadland and more. www.ryanscottoliver.com
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WEÏRD (PART SIX)

The final installment of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback (Actor-Writer)

(Read Parts One, Two, Three, Four, and Five.)

LINN
You mustn’t worry, Torrence. We will search in lands very far from here.  And if we never find these women, we shall settle in a home, satisfied enough to have found each other. 

DOUGLAS
Your innkeeper has quite a charm about her.

TORRENCE
Believe me, she knows more charms than she will admit.

LINN
I have decided to leave this inn to you.  You will be completely safe, and anonymous here.  

TORRENCE
(Somewhat aside to LINN.)  But what if another man seeks these same witches here?

LINN
You don’t understand, these three witches are completely inseparable.

DOUGLAS
And any man with eyes will know that such kindly beauty could not possibly become such wicked women.

LINN
You see?  There is nothing left to fear.  You can stay as long as you like.  

TORRENCE
And you?

LINN
I will find my home.

TORRENCE
Then we are undone?

LINN
It is for the best.

(TORRENCE considers for a moment.)

WEÏRD (PART FIVE)

Part five of six installments of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback (Actor-Writer)

(Read Parts One, Two, Three and Four!)

LINN
What?

DOUGLAS
Together we can find these women and I will take you back to Scotland with me. 

LINN
I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

DOUGLAS
Or wherever you are from, or wherever you would like to go.  I seek more than just a throne.  I seek something that makes me legitimate.  Any man can be a king in his own, rightful home.

LINN
The thought is very tempting, but…

DOUGLAS
Don’t even think.  I can give you the freedom you wish for. 

LINN
Douglas…

DOUGLAS
And I can bring you home.

LINN
(A beat.)  Okay.

DOUGLAS
Okay?

LINN
Aye!  We shall leave together.  But at once.

DOUGLAS
At once?

LINN
If it were done, when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well it were done quickly.

DOUGLAS
But we cannot leave in this storm.

LINN
We must face the night.

DOUGLAS
Have you any ties to sever?  Any family to tell?

LINN
None.  I have nothing holding me back.

(At this point there is quite a racket at the offstage edge of the upstairs platform.  TORRENCE and HARPER emerge disguised in various cloaks and hats.  They talk and move without glancing at LINN or DOUGLAS, making a streamline for the door.)

HARPER
I dare say, good auntie, that I had a romping good stay at this inn.

TORRENCE
Indeed, good niece, I haven’t slept so divinely in years.

HARPER
We must be good enough to thank that sweet innkeeper the next time we return from our villa, which is very, very, very far away from here!

TORRENCE
Huzzah!

(They EXIT out the door.  There is a crash of thunder and lightning.  They emerge a beat later from outside, very wet.  They make the same streamline back the way they came.)

HARPER
My, good auntie, the weather has picked up considerably since we arrived.

TORRENCE
Indeed, good niece, it shall be good to return to our villa far, far away, where it is always sunny.

HARPER
I’m sure that sweet innkeeper will allow us to remain one more night undisturbed by any visitors!

TORRENCE
Huzzah!

(They EXIT.)

LINN
Except them.

WEÏRD (PART FOUR)

Part four of six installments of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback

(Read Parts One, Two, and Three!)

LINN
Macbeth!?

DOUGLAS
Aye, madam!

LINN
He had a son!?

DOUGLAS
The man before ye.

LINN
I don’t understand.

DOUGLAS
My mother was a wretched woman, whom my father vowed he would never marry.  I was born a bastard and my mother was shamed into leaving.  As I grew older, I was told stories of my father, a warrior, who had married some strong, spiteful woman, and I would imagine what it would be like to truly be his son.  Then came the news that he had, through a series of unforeseeable events, ascended to the throne of Scotland, only to be quickly undone by the likes of three witches who had deceived him through their black magic.

LINN
You don’t say.

WEÏRD (PART THREE)

Part three of six installments of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback

(Read Parts One and Two.)

HARPER
A knock!  There was a knock!

LINN
Yes, Harper, we know. 

HARPER
But who knows we’re out here?

TORRENCE
‘Tis probably just the wind.

(Two more knocks.)

TORRENCE (CONT.)
A very, very strong wind.

LINN
(Moving toward the door.)  Well, someone should answer it.

TORRENCE
No!  Don’t!  They may not know we’re here.  We have to hide.

LINN
Hide?

HARPER
Should I blow out the candles?

TORRENCE
Yes.

(HARPER runs up to the first landing and is about to blow out the candles.)

LINN
Hide from what?

TORRENCE
No! Wait, leave them lit.

HARPER
Are you sure?

(Thunder and lightning crash.  HARPER is standing directly in front of the window.)

TORRENCE
Harper!  The window!

(HARPER hits the floor.)

TORRENCE
Make your way upstairs.  We have to start packing. 

HARPER
(As she slinks up to the next landing.)  My face doth burn!  Something terrible approaches! 

LINN
Will someone please tell me what is going on here?

TORRENCE
Yes, Linn, we are getting our stuff and leaving.  Now come!

(She walks up to the first landing just as there are more knocks.  TORRENCE freezes, directly in front of the window, and turns to the door.)

HARPER
Torrence!  The window!

(TORRENCE hits the floor.)

LINN
This is absolutely ludicrous!  I am done putting up with this ridiculousness. 

(LINN begins to unlatch the lock.)

HARPER
No!  Don’t!  Now the beast knows that someone is in here!

LINN
What beast talk you of?

HARPER
The soup!  It foretold the coming of a beast!

LINN
Oh, right, of course.  The soup told you. 

WEÏRD (PART TWO)

Part two of six installments of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback (Actor-Writer)

(Read Part One!)

LINN
You two look affright, like conspirators caught whilst plotting murder.  Doth the weather suddenly make you nervous? 

TORRENCE
Linn what are you about?

LINN
I am going to go outside to tend to my garden before the storm becomes too rough.  I have newly planted herbs that will uproot in these strong winds lest I bolster them.

HARPER
You mustn’t go outside!  ‘Tis dangerous!

LINN
I appreciate your concern, child, but the storm has barely just touched ground.  There is no need to worry.

(LINN goes to TORRENCE cloak to wear it outside.)

TORRENCE
You misunderstand her, Linn.  There is more danger out there than that storm.  Your sister and I have both been warned by the signs.

LINN
(Putting on the cloak.)  Torrence, your cloak has a funny odor.  

HARPER
Linn!  You are not listening!  A bird vomited on Torrence!

LINN
(Taking off the cloak.)  That explains the odor.

(LINN goes to walk upstairs to get her own cloak.)

TORRENCE
You must pack your things at once.  We are leaving tonight.

LINN
(Making her way back up the stairs.)  You and your silly fears.  Might I suggest, dear sisters, that you take up some other hobby than wallowing in worrisome nonsense?

HARPER
It is not nonsense, Linn!  And I do have a hobby!  I cook.

LINN
Aye, just our luck.

WEÏRD (PART ONE)

Part one of six installments of the Tennessee Williams One-Act Festival-Winning play WEÏRD.
By B.T. (Brett) Ryback

Cast of Characters

Torrence Weïrd, the eldest sister. 
Harper Weïrd, the youngest, fearful sister.
Linn Weïrd, the middle sister, who is nothing like the other two. 
Douglas, a genuine, benign traveler. (25-30)

Time
The Early 1600’s

Place
The Cottage of the Three Weïrd Sisters.
A Wood in Denmark

*Note:  It is the playwright’s intention that this play not be done with any dialect.  Though the actors must weave naturally in and out of heightened language, the characters should at all times maintain a modern sensibility.

The curtain rises in darkness.  There is a sudden crash of lightning and thunder, which reveals a figure alone on stage, her back to us.  She is crouched around a cauldron located upstage right, pouring potions in and mixing the brew.  A great gust of wind fills the stage and we hear a deep, other-worldly voice speaking indecipherably.  Above the din of wind and voice, HARPER WEÏRD cries.

HARPER
How now! Spirit cry and spirit sing!
Tell me of the gruesome news you bring.

 (The wind rises as an unworldly voice declares.)

VOICE
(Somewhat muffled.) 
With the wind that blows in from the east
Comes to ye a dark and dangerous beast.

HARPER
Spirit that doth neither die nor live,
Please repeat this warning that you give.

 (Again, the wind rises.)

VOICE
(Clearer now.) 
With the wind that blows in from the east
Comes to ye a dark and dangerous beast.

HARPER
Won’t you tell me how or tell me when…?

 (Lightning and thunder crash, leaving the stage in silence and darkness for a moment.  Suddenly, all the candles light themselves in rapid succession.  At this moment, HARPER quickly turns out.)

HARPER (CONT.)
I don’t think I’ll use that recipe again!