Crazytown

KEEP CALM AND BE SUPER EVIL

In which I admit that I like bad guys. And girls.
By Alisha Giampola (Actor) 

When I was about ten I spent every Tuesday and Thursday from June to August in a summer children's theatre group doing kid-friendly acting games, wearing really basic costumes that fit over my regular clothes, and taking regular breaks for snacks. The course culminated in a short play that we presented for our parents, the kids who took the Monday/Wednesday class, and probably a lot of press and important critcs and maybe some talent agents. All I knew was that I was super excited for that show- it was an updated, "hip" kids' version of Cinderella, and I already had my costume all planned out. When it came time to cast, the really sweet middle school drama teacher who had been directing us all summer asked me if I wanted to play Cinderella. I wasn't even a little bit flattered. "No thank you," I replied. "I would really prefer to be the evil stepmother." 

I wish I had a picture of that production to show you, but suffice to say that I played the Stepmother as a cross between Norma Desmond and Paris Hilton. Finally a childhood spent studying the subtle body language of Ursula and the minute eyebrow gestures of Jafar had paid off. Villains were interesting. Their motives are simple expressions of unadaulterated selfishness and I loved watching their intricate plans crumble. 

Recently Daniel and I have been marathoning old James Bond movies. We began at the beginning; Dr. No is the first Bond film, and one of only two (Goldfinger being the other) that is named for its villain. Immediately audiences were introduced to the idea that the bad guys in these movies were going to be the reason for watching. 007 might look fantastic drinking a cold martini, but no one but a Bond villain can pull off a full beige futuristic pants suit or steel teeth. Bond villains are the ultimate villain's villain. I started keeping track of their motivations for my own entertainment. Most of the first films are haunted by the incredibly complicated evil group of superevil, SPECTRE (the SPecial Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion). Besides having patented the most awesome company name ever, these guys specialize in creating crazy expensive elaborate plots to do relatively simple, or even vaguely unnecessary things. 

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAYYYYYY!!!

You'd better 86 the 69 talk.
By Alisha Giampola (Actress) 

My best friend from college and I are still best friends. He was my best man at my wedding. We have a lot of jokes that we don't even remember how they started. For our entire friendship, we have both been obsessed with the long-cancelled Comedy Central cult tv hit from the early '00's, Strangers With Candy. I, personally, have used this show as currency when forming new friendships. Can you quote it? Do you dream of meeting Amy Sedaris in real life? Is this what made you fall in love with Stephen Colbert, long before he became a regular television presence? Ok. We can be friends.

Last week, on Valentine's Day, I found myself finishing up some things around the classroom where I teach, and had a handful of plain red construction paper hearts that seemed sad to just throw away, even though the holiday was essentially over. But my Valentine's Day, which involved plans for a late lunch with Jake, my aformentioned bestie, had not yet begun. Inspired, I went online to find some Strangers With Candy Valentines to print out and affix to the red paper hearts. Shockingly, despite the plethora of other random crap that appears to be readily available on the internet, Jerri Blank and/or Strangers With Candy inspired Valentines do not appear to be a thing. 

Supremely irritated, I printed some graphics from the show and proceeded to make them a thing. Honestly, I should really start a business. Amy Sedaris would be way proud, because she's all about crafting:

It's just a collective cooperative community service operation outreach program project.

THE MANY SHADES OF ZACK

The pop culture obsession with Zombies has created a sense of Zombie class warfare, and, also, the trailer for World War Z looks terrible.
By Bob Simpson (Writer)

My brother-in-law, a trusted member of the nerd community, and fan of Max Brooks’ zombie “history” books, informed me that the trailer for the film based on Brooks’ best-selling novel, World War Z, had been released.  Before I had the chance to ask him if the trailer was any good, I looked deep into his eyes and saw the forlorn look of a deer whose mother had just been eviscerated, or a Green Lantern fan after viewing that…film…can I call it that?

Regardless, it was a combination of desperation and disappointment the likes of which only Gargamel would enjoy, and, upon viewing the trailer myself, my reaction was the same.  Here’s the trailer:

 

And here’s my reaction:

IT'S SNOWING IN THE DAGOBAH SYSTEM

My mind is still reeling from the events of the past two weeks. There is so much happening at once that I'm finding it hard to take everything in, process, and then get back out in some organized manner. My thoughts are jumping like fireflies in a jar at night or R2D2's speech pattern so I'm setting my coordinates for the Dagobah system. 
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic) 

If I could sum up my thoughts for the past two weeks it would be something like this (for the full effect please read without breathing, letting one sentence run into the other; maybe even eat something while reading it and swallow without chewing, like you are eating feelings): 

THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS AND THOSE WHO DESPERATELY HOLD TIGHT TO REASON WHEN MAKING HEARTFELT CHOICES

Have you ever gotten so mad at your significant other that when the anger fog clears you realize that you've dropped your drawers and are currently squatting over their laptop on the coffee table yelling "Take that back or have fun explaining this at the Apple Genius Bar. Let's see if they can genius urine out of your hard drive." No? Me neither then...Tips for the Post Apocalyptic Relationship Part IV: Nothing says I love you like losing your mind over something irrelevant. 
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand Up Comic) 

Over the past year I have done multiple installments in a blog series I call Tips for the Post Apocalyptic Relationship. They are a compilation of perhaps helpful, perhaps slightly unhinged hints that I've derived from my coupledom about how to make paying the electricity bills or killing zombies together easier. 

This Is What Love Does

I share them because as a stand up comic I clearly don't mind embarrassing myself by writing about experiences that are probably something I should be keeping to myself (Sorry Mom!) and also because I believe a lot of people are on similar journeys, dealing with the same issues.

AND because I want us to beat the zombies. USA, USA, USA! Human Race, Human Race, Human Race! Let's make t-shirts! Am I am expert on zombies and/or relationships?! Why the f*&k not?!

That being said I do support gun control

As far as the Zombie Apocalypse goes, I have been dreaming about varying versions of Armageddon since I was a kid (true story, f'ing Sarah Connor over here, where are my arm muscles?!). Perhaps that is weird. OR perhaps I am just destined to write, direct and star in one of the greatest movies ever. And/or perhaps it is the only way my subconscious can calm my chronic anxiety: Some day Leah complete chaos will ensue all over the planet and all those things you worry about won't matter.

GREAT apocalypse wear

And in regards to my relationship aptitude, The Balls&Chain or B&C for short (which is what I lovingly call my fiance because fiance sounds like something I would wear to a dance recital - not the man who is going to be building forts in trees with me) and I have been together for 6 years, in NYC I might add, which is like dog years for a relationship. Although in NYC people tend to move in together quickly because of rent prices, they also tend to move onto to moving in with someone else even quicker.  

Not directly related to this blog but indirectly related to EVERYTHING (and I had to include it once I saw it - LOVE it)!

RUNNING FOR NERDS

Bored with your workout?  There's an app for that.
By Rachel James (Treasurer/Writer) 

Recently, I’ve been trying to find new ways to extend my workout time. Or at least change things up. I lost 40 pounds a year and a half ago and have been stuck in a plateau ever since. Changing up your workout is one of the things recommended to get off a plateau.

Become a superhero? Trying!

Being the musical theatre nerd I am, I very often will load up one of my favorite cast recordings and run on that. The mixture of music and story telling will help the time fly by. But since I have burned through all my recordings (any recommendations would be welcomed!), I have decided to look for other options.

I’ve always been a big fan of science-fiction/fantasy stories. I was raised on Star Trek (preferably TNG), devoured the Harry Potter series, and even musically directed a reading of the episode “Once More, With Feeling” from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

 

In fact, musical theatre and sci-fi stories have a lot in common. The biggest criticism I’ve heard about both genres is “Well, that could never happen in real life”. To which I reply “That’s why it’s entertainment and not reality”. As artists, reflecting back the world we live in is one part of our art. And, yes, reality can be very entertaining. But everything that entertains does need to be set in reality. And that includes working out.

Therefore, I’ve been doing my research and found some excellent resources to bring more excitement and fantasy to working out.

Zombies, RUN!

 

Clearly, zombies are hot right now. And so they must cash in with a fitness app. Zombies, RUN! is an app that guides you through the zombie apocalypse AND gives you a workout. While screaming “Look out!” and “They’re coming! RUN!!!!!”, they guide you on various runs as you "gather supplies for base camp".  To passersby, you may look a tad... discombobulated. But it makes the time fly by as you have an enjoyable jaunt through the park. Absolutely petrifying, but enjoyable.

KIRBY KRACKLE - MAKING NERD MUSIC

Oh and I Went to Comic-Con Too
Kate West (Writer)

So I finally made it to Comic-Con! First time.

It's Nerd Mecca, initially featuring all the latest and classic comic books and vendors from around the world, but now of course much more Hollywoodized, featuring the latest movie or TV show you have to see. I'm talking about the famous San Diego Comic Convention, where people dress up as their favorite sci-fi/fantasy characters, from Star Wars and Star Trek to Zombies and Flo, the Progressive Lady. The sheer size of this event is staggering and if you hate crowds and long, long, long, long lines, you'll avoid it like a futuristic outbreak.

I, on the other hand, reveled in the chaos that is downtown San Diego every July. It's one weekend of nerd debauchery and fanfare and yes, long, long, long lines, but no, I chose not to do any cosplay. In a big venue:

But worth it. I met some fascinating characters. Like The Enigma, from that circus episode on The X-Files (Humbug).

 

THE FIVE LEVELS OF FAME

A guide to how famous you are.

By David Davila (playwright/song-writer)

On Saturday as my songwriting partner (Sean Havrilla) and I were tweaking the opening number to our new musical (F*#KING BEAUTIFUL) we somehow got sidetracked by the Madonna/Lady Gaga feud.

Sean quickly took sides with Lady Gaga, while I defended my queen, Madonna, but somehow my side-comment about a titty-flash became a larger discussion about artistry vs. fame, and more importantly; who was more famous.

 

The truth is, I spend way too much time thinking about things like this. Fame, as Lady Gaga would put it, is a monster, and has nothing really to do with artistry. Fame can be a short fifteen-minute visit or consume someone’s entire identity, as they become martyrs to it. It has become very clear to me that the world needs a way to measure this phenomenon called fame, and so I present to you: David Davila’s Five Levels of Fame.

STORY IN BRAVE, STORY IN VAMPIRES, STORY IN ZOMBIES, STORY IN DEATH

I don't have time for bad stories. Go ahead -- make my day.
by Loren A. Roberts (guru of multi-hyphenate media)

BRAVE

Watched the new Pixar movie Brave with my kids this past weekend. While a lovely film, there was a problem with the story. (I’m going to try not to spoil the movie for you.) First, the whole thing really didn’t matter, because in the end Merida (the lead character) kinda got what she wanted (freedom) -- but she kinda got it by doing exactly what she didn’t want to do (her duty). So did she really need to go through the whole story? No. The whole thing seemed meaningless.

Secondly, I needed more story. You remember all those "B" and "C" stories that need to go into your work? Well, they weren’t there! Darn...you need relationship -- lots of them -- to make a believable story. Focusing on only one relationship in your story doesn’t work, unless there are only two actors on stage. (Even then, you might have some other, unseen characters that make the backstory richer...)

VAMPIRES AND ZOMBIES...

I have written about Ray Kurzweil before: he’s this wild and crazy futurist who thinks we’re all gonna get modded with technology really soon, and become a new hybrid species that heads out into the universe to explore new worlds, new dimensions, and new realities. Weird and scary. I was watching a documentary about him this weekend entitled The Transcendent Man, and boy, was he obsessed with beating death -- with living forever. And my wife turns to me and says "so that’s why there are so many stories about zombies and vampires in pop culture these days -- we all want to live forever!”

DECONSTRUCTING A REAL-LIFE ZOMBIE ATTACK

Where, o where do I begin?
By RSO 

This morning on Facebook, my student Kelsey Lake shared a video with this headline.  She also said something about Zombies.  I was hooked.

Sexy!  Delicious!  Tell me more!

So I watched the video detailing the crime (which for whatever reason I can't figure out how to share here, so you'll haveto go and watch the video yourself).  Go watch it.  But come back. 

...

Back?

Okay.  Discuss.

1. It's vital to note the order of the words in the title.  Consider the alternative:

2. It's widely understood that every reporter develops certain faces for different situations, lest the viewer think they, ya know, don't really care about the things they report about.  Because that would be, that would be, just silly!

Apparently this is Candice's "Naked Guy Eating Someone's Face" Face: