By Alisha Giampola (Writer/Performer)
Happy Almost-Autumnal-Equinox-Day, kids! It's fall. Everybody's favorite season. The least controversial time of year. A surefire way to get literally anyone to agree with you, across lines of religion, political party, or sports affiliation, is to profess your love for the fall. Who doesn't like fall? It's not too hot or too cold, the light is pretty, the leaves are pretty, the wardrobe color combinations are pretty. I myself, in fact, chose to get married on this very day four years ago, the day before the autumnal equinox of 2012, known by many women my age as the year of the Great Pumpkin Spice Latte Shortage.
What does your Guilty Fall Pleasure say about you?
Did you know that a baby hedgehog is called a hoglet?! What other autumnal delights await?
Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte: Your favorite movie is The Notebook.
Apple picking: Deep down you would never ever go camping, but you like to tell people that you're "outdoorsy".
Assorted food-scented candles: Pinterest is 90% of your browser history. You cannot cook.
Visiting a pumpkin patch or a corn maze: You're trying to grow your Instagram following.
Only wearing dresses that have pockets and striding around a lot with your hands in them: You genuinely enjoy old Katherine Hepburn movies. (Also, I just read this fascinating article about the sexist history of pockets and you should too. GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY POCKETS, PATRIARCHY!)
Baking pies, cookies, cupcakes, assorted spice-breads: You have a really flexible work schedule.
Planning group Halloween costumes: You have a BFA.
Doing a pine cone craft project: You have children.
Don't get too cocky though, NYC. Just remember that fall is only a short, colorfully foliaged passage through which we drive on our way to getting the football of beautiful weather yanked out from under us as we crack our heads on the black ice of a bleak urban winter.
ALISHA GIAMPOLA is an NYC based actor/teacher/writer who can't believe she's been married for 4 years. She is currently accepting presents of fruit, flowers, or appliances, depending on your committment to either the traditional or modern anniversary gift list.
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